The moment of truth

Emotionally drained
Physically exhausted
A butchered mind
its life yet to find

Mentality in turmoil
A disgruntled heart
Low lying spirits
being killed to bits

Unaffected sorrow
Untouched happiness
Leading a life
dependant on borrow

Spiritually dehydrated
Psychologically flushed
Going through the motions
Totally unabated

Drowned in notions
Engulfed in desire
Trying ever so hard
to bust out the fire

Ayee Mayytee, You'll be missed !

The news has come, a tad too early for my liking. A tad too early for any cricket lover's liking. A tad too early for even the most fiercest enemies of Australia. Yes, Warnie has called it a day. And what a way to leave. Riding on a possible 5-0 whitewash of the English, he leaves the game at an utmost high, something only matched by Steve Waugh maybe in the yesteryears.

The Aussies just have a knack of doing it, dont they. They're timing is so damn perfect. Steve couldn't and didn't find a better way to bow out, and nor has Shane. Ofcourse, he takes with him Glenn Mcgrath maybe, and that relieves a lot of nerves for most other batsmen across the globe. Glenn will always be remembered as this fierce competitor, a guy who hated to lose, a guy who could almost not cope with losing, remember Ramnaresh Sarwan. That to a certain extent dipped his popularity. But then, there was always something about Warne. Something that brought back those crowds throning for the one which pitched out leg stump and took the top of off !! Yeah, the ball of the century. The guy still claims it was a fluke, modesty at its heights you would say.

Warne will always be remembered for being this fantastic and entertaining cricketer, fiercely competitive as well. Someone who rose to the challenges posed his way, someone who had no qualms in accepting his failures or his struggles in public. Remember his infamous quote of the 1998 tour of India, he went back and told a local newspaper, "I still have hounding dreams of Tendulkar hitting me for sixes all over the park !!". One of those many instances where Sachin alongside Lara proved to be his biggest menace. His undoings off the field wont be forgotten so easily either, but then, the magnanimity of what he's achieved on that green turf, and on those 22 yards, is something that is just too big to ignore. For someone who revived the dying art of legspin, for someone whose on the brink of creating history by claiming 700 wickets, there was and there is no better way to go out. Yeah, its true that he would've gone off had Australia not let off the Ashes back in England last year. That makes me wonder, damn, had England retained it this year, maybe we would've seen the genius around for another 18 months. His duels with Tendulkar personally on Indian tracks are stuff that cricketing memories are made off. Tendulkar's alteration in stance to counter Warne's bowling from around the stumps is the definition of "tact" for me !! One of those glorious moments in cricket, where 2 champions respected each other mightily but were out to get the other one, get it the way they want ! Love him or hate him, he leaves a deepening void in the game, something thats going be unmatched. The Aussies may still go on to retain the 2007 World Cup, may still continue on this demolishing spree in their quest to always remain the numero uno team, but there never ever will be another Warne, Shane Warne.

For cricket lovers across the world, its a day or mourning, and a day of celebration too, for what the guy has given us over the last decade and a half. Sportsmen can have long lasting impressions on your character. He's done that to me.

Maybe, there would come that day when I would sit in the corner of room and shed tears upon hearing Tendulkar's exit from the game. Thats the reason I say, this is sport, and these are sportsmen.

Static memories

Yesterday's come and gone
You remain a loner
You look forward to so much
but it all melts apart.
You lie there on the couch
Thinking of what better you could've done
It takes you back there
Back to the past
The blood's flowing again
The fingers start to clench
The eyelids kiss each other
and together drop a tear
As imagination runs wild
your back in reflection mode
but you never were told
That today could be so sick
Maybe then
You would've picked
Option 'c' instead of 'b'
But....
But did ya ever know
that life would be so....

In You....

In you I've found a reason,
A reason to look ahead...
In you I see my eyes,
Craving for a tear to shed..

In you I've found a sparkle,
A sparkle that relit the fire...
In you I see that drive,
To achieve what I most desire...

In you I see the strength,
and the will to carry on...
In you I try and find,
The purpose for which I was born....

In you I see the license,
Of a bird let free...
In you I'd like to be,
what I dont see in me....

In you I see hope,
Hope of a better tomorrow...
In you I see that life,
A life devoid of sorrow...

Road trippin'

There are a bunch of people on this planet who believe in living life meticulously, in making sure that whatever happens or whatever that is going to happen has been planned for and executed in that particular way. I don't know if that's a good thing to do or not to do. I can't even guage if it's a good bunch to belong to or not to. But I do know, that by default I fit into that category. I'm usually the kinds who plan my weekends on the friday either on my way to work or back from it. Again, by default, it just so happens that it goes to plan as well.

The weekend must've been the long diwali weekend. A jolly good 5 days (fri-tues) off the rigours of corporate life. As most others were, me too was looking forward to 5 days of peace, 5 days of lounging on my bed watching tv, eating chips and maybe stepping out to catch up on a few plays in town! Now comes the turning point, how mistaken was I? Sac, Sudi n' Ravinder were calling me for this road trip over and over again. I'd kinda made up my mind of not going for many a reason. One of them being this deep notion I had that trips not headed towards the coastline were not as much fun! Well, seems like I was mistaken on that one as well. As I sat pondering that sunday morning, I felt this desperate urge to just drop everything and gooooo. And goooo, I did...Trust GOD to give anyone friends like these. Our men had left town at 10:30 AM and were on the road to Tumkur, when I called them back and they duly obliged....So back home I was after sneaking out of class midway, picked up my back-pack, and there they were waiting, at my doorstep. I hoped on, and then we headed off again. Destination - Hampi.

A journey of 330 odd km was completed in about 5 hours. A beautiful road, 4 good friends, the sun beating down and a jolly ride in the awaiting. Reflecting back, I guess the road was the best part of the trip afterall, what with all 4 of us vying for the driver's seat each time. I ofcourse drove a good 130 odd km of the drive in about 90 mins (good speeds eh!) and felt mightly thrilled about it and after it as well. Hampi beckoned at about 6 PM. We entered the holy portals of this mortal town with the rays of the setting sun hitting us in the eye. Some amount of directionless driving ensured that we consumed an hour more before we reached the only hotel in town. A refreshing shower in the waters of the Tungabhadra i guess, and jeered up we were to give some much needed beer to the tummy!

Food afterall wasn't the best we've eaten in our lives, but nevertheless we relished it maybe because of the tiresome journey. Incidentally, we also managed to hook up with a guide for the next morning tour of the city. Up we were around 8 AM, a good healthy breakfast and with our guide and another very weird gujju family(!!!), off we went on our interior road trip...
It was an absolute pleasure to relive all those memories and bits and pieces of knowledge gained from our history books of the 8th and 9th std's. Whether it be the magnificient Vijaya Vithala temple, or the Queen's bath, the stepped tank or the Maharaja's palace, they all stood out in their enigmatic fervour. Our guide was a very well read man too, explaining in detail to us, all the intracacies of the place, the monuments, the architecture, the history, the craftwork et all. 5 hours round the town had us all soaked in the cultural spirit of Hampi. We bid goodbye to the fella at about 2PM and headed out not knowing where to go.

Alternating between the 4 of us in the car was the map of karnataka. It being monday evening and with tuesday a holiday, none of us were really keen on heading back home just yet it seemed. So we sat there racking our brains to find suitable spots on that small li'l map as the guy at the wheel continued to rip at 100K/hr going where the road took him! Sadly for us, we'd landed up a place much in the central - east side of karnataka where apart from Hampi, there just didn't seem anything else worthwhile. With the next nearest getaway being a good 300K more towards the coastline, guess we unanimously called it off and headed back on the Bangalore highway.
A flat tyre added to the time consuming process, a good stop for lunch at a road side dhaba at 4PM and back we were on the journey home. Another beautiful and much treasured drive brought us back to our abode on the stroke of midnight bringing the curtains down on another memorable trip I've undertaken.
Well, with the whole thing done, there was surely one common thought running in all four of our heads, "These kinda road trips are much called for on a much more regular basis !!!"

Cheers boys, to Hampi's rich culture.....

I just wanna....

I woke up this morning with this strange feeling running all over me. There come these instances in your life where you undergo a transition. Some people call it emotional, some say mental, some even say hormonal???? But whatever it is, it's always been something hard to explain...explain to yourself as well as to others. Maybe, today was one such day for me. As tradition says it, in such situations, the first thing to come out the person who hears this, would be, "Oh, you must've woken up from the wrong side of the bed!". Ah, ya right....like the brain adjusts it's thought process differently to different sides of the bed. I'm thinking, maybe I'll buy a circular bed?!?!?!?!? Who knows which side I woke up from! (Atleast, I won't have to hear that crap again...) Ah, sad joke again.
Anyway, I've also realized that in situations like these, you, or rather atleast me, tend to associate it to the lyrics of some song..and that's precisely what I did. I racked my brains to find the perfect song, and I did find it, on my way to work. It was one of my favourites, and continues to remain so. Here goes it....or rather parts of it...

(chorus)
I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.....

I don’t wanna die, but I ain’t keen on living either.
Before I fall in love, I’m preparing to leave her.
I scare myself to death, That’s why I keep on running.
Before I’ve arrived, I can see myself coming.

Yeah, Robbie Williams with Feel. A great song with some truly deep lyrics, at least the chorus I must say. And ofcourse, as I sang this on my way to work, it worked on me, more on me, and more and more on me....

Guess I should start doing this kinda stuff more often afterall.

Area of Darkness - How to cope with the death of a parent...

I read this article in the TOI - Letters to Editor section some weeks ago, and since then it's been all over me. Dunno why, but I always go back to reading this article in the most despondent of times I feel. It jeers me up and makes me realize....Damn...I've pulled well so far haven't I...then why can't I just continue doing it !!!! Today, if there's one thing I thank God for after this entire saga, it's for a simple reason. He gave me the time, a lot of time. He prepared me for this eventuality, and he atleast alllowed me to say, "Good-bye Maaaa, I loved you...."

For those who've felt the worst possible heartache any human can go through, read on...for here is something that you will relate to, and something you will carry all your life.

====================================================================================
One of the major challenges we face as a palliative care team looking after people with advanced cancer in their homes is helping children prepare for the death of a parent. Nothing is more difficult and more necessary. When it comes to children, there is a shared belief across the board that they should be spared bad news. Contrary to what we adults may like to believe, children hear and see everything. If ignored, children end up causing themselves unnecessary harm, as they tend to imagine the worst. This often includes blaming themselves for the ill health and death of a parent.
Children need explanation and information just like anyone else. They are keen observers. We may think that we are not communicating with them when we do not speak to them, but we are, in fact, doing so all the time. Our body language and expressions speak for themselves. If we shut children out from what is a momentous event in their lives we run the risk of scarring their psyches forever. This is especially so if the surviving parent does not have a loving relationship with the children or is so wrapped up in personal grief as to be unable to offer support. Such a parent may end up looking for support from children. Children grieve as much as adults do, even though they may not have the language to do so. Their actions speak loud and clear.
Children act up in school and at home when there is trouble close at hand. It is their way of expressing sadness and distress. We as parents, teachers and caregivers need to recognise the emotional turmoil behind these external acts and provide safe avenues for its expression and validation.
Losing a parent at any age is a tragic occurrence. It is traumatic when we are children and our universe revolves around our parents. Our lives are going to change in so many ways and yet no one wishes to prepare us for this or pay attention to our need to be considered part of the family. As adults we might wish to shield our children from the pain of death and separation, but this is a reality that they have to confront sooner or later. While we cannot spare them the pain, we can share it with them, and spare them the guilt of being unable to say their final goodbye to the parent who died.
Children, we are told, fear losing memories of the parent who has died. It is necessary to help them actualise their loss and grief and keep memories alive. This includes talking about the dead parent as often as possible. A family album is a great tool for this. In the West, parents prepare a memory box for their children full of personal knick-knacks that children can look at whenever they feel the need to do so. There are parents who sometimes choose to write letters to children they will never see growing up so that they may open them on special occasions in their lives such as graduation and marriage.
The idea is to help children heal themselves by continuing to keep the relationship with and the memories of the parent they have lost, rather than suppressing memories and holding on to pain and denial.
Support groups for bereaved children facilitate healing. Children hate to be different from their peers. Being the only child who has lost a parent in a classroom setting or in the school is a terrible burden for a child to carry. Meeting with peers who have faced a similar situation is therapeutic suddenly you are not the only one to have lost a parent.
One of the worst things you can do as a parent is lie to your child. If found out, you will lose their trust. It is also a sign that we do not respect our children. If we have a right to know, so do our children, albeit in a fashion that fits in with their level of comprehension. All too often, children know much more than we suspect or give them credit for. If we do not meet their need to know they will look elsewhere. It is better that we give them the information they crave in a loving, gentle and supportive way.
Death is more terrifying for a child than for us. They have fertile imaginations, which can run riot and cause them great anguish. There are children who believe that the parent will become a ghost after death, that a big black bird will pluck out the eyes of a dying parent. Talking to children to gauge their understanding of death is necessary as is the need to openly grieve in front of our children. If we do not cry in front of our children how will they know it is alright to express their sadness? They may grow up suppressing their feelings, unable to come to terms with their sense of loss.
We must share our happy and sad moments with our children if we want them to grow up as healthy and stable emotional beings. If we do not help our children handle death and bereavement we will be crippling them emotionally forever.

The writer is Ms. Harmala Gupta - President, Cansupport (An NGO working towards spreading cancer awareness). Website : http://www.cansupport.org

You....yes You...Will you ever........

You - Sitting right there in the corner...
thinking harder, acting smarter....
Wake up...
Who the hell are you trying to fool here?

You - cuddled up in a sense of fright...
ruffled hair, wrinkled eyes...
wake up...it's a time to see, it's a time to live...
What the hell are you achieving in here?

You - with your face clouded in deep smoke...
step on the gas....stop being trash...
Wake up...
When the hell will you cut out that fear?

You - morose and self indulged soul...
looking for pity, craving for sympathy...
wake up...move on...
How the hell did you get in here?

You - yes you, that wretched groggy face..
those skinny bones, those faded eyebrows...

You - yes you, with those nervous trembling hands,
those cold feet and that malicious stand..
Will you ever wake up?
Will you ever see the glow of the sun on your face?
Will you ever sing, dance and rejoice?
Will you ever strain those rusty muscles and smile...
Will you...
Will you ever........

Of newspapers and TV...

Well, this aint gonna be a scathing attack on the journalism and media sector, however, its again a question that's been pounding my head for a while now. And more often than not, when such questions pound my head, I just can't seem to put them off !! Is that good or bad, well you decide....

To come to the question under fire today, "Isn't Indian journalism perceiving negativity at its heights!!".

To point out my case, let me take the Mumbai blasts in perspective. Well, I am part of the revenue bank of one of India's most prominent national dailies, as a result of which, I have their paper thrown religiously at my balcony every morning. I probably dont literally remember the headlines, but I for sure know, the jist of them all. And here's how it went I think, If I'm not too mistaken.

July 12th - Serial blasts rock Mumbai.

July 13th - Estimated death toll touches 150 and is still rising.

July 14th (By this time, Mumbai was up and running !!!) - Death toll touches 200, police launch nationwide hunt against the suspects.

July 15th - Over 200 people interrogated at Mahim. Suspects still elusive. Mumbai slowly crawling back to its feet.

July 16th - CM announces relief to all injured. Bomb hoax at various places.

July 17th - Are Indian cities equipped to fight terror?

etc etc etc....(forgive me if this information is not absolutely correct. I am just using it as a platform to drive home my point.)

Is there an end to this mayhem? Well ok, we are living in feared times, that's well announced, but why the hell do you want to rub it in dammit !
Lets move to the TV. There isn't a lack of news channels today is there? Afterall, they have a business to run as well, and are bound by normal business policies such as market share, market potential blah blah blah. Now, to put this into perspective as well, almost 6 days after the blasts (the following sunday), a prominent news channel was holding a show, "Mumbai shows it's resilience". A week or so later maybe, the ruckus was still very evident. " SMS _ _ _ _ Y if you think the peace process with Pakistan should be cut off or _ _ _ _ N if you dont think so". Now this was to be the limit for me. I mean, isn't there a limit. For the sake of revenue, for the sake of tapping into larger audiences, you're forgetting that you're putting them(the common man) through the ordeal all over again.
I still vividly remember, on the evening of 18th July, the President Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam was in Mumbai and had announed a nation wide 2 min silence at 18:25 hours in memory of those who succumbed to the henious crimes of the previous week. I was with this French colleague of mine at the Delhi airport at that very moment about to go in for my security check, when I saw these images flashing on TV. I paused, dropped my luggage, placed my right hand over my heart, closed my eyes, and wished for a more peaceful world to live in. A world where journalists had better things to project that blood, a world where human beings could have the same amount of freedom as a butterfly in the sky, a world where the security guard standing right there in front of me (at the airport) would have nothing to do, as a result of which he could look out for a more enhanced employment. Those were 120 seconds where India came to a standstill, 120 powerful seconds where Indians vowed not to bow down to such acts, 120 electric seconds where Indians showed their solidarity with victims of this disaster, 120 seconds, where maybe, every man and woman told him/herself at the back of his/her mind,"Every moment on this planet could be my last!!!"
Well, the expression of solidarity over, I felt this innate feeling of warmth go through me, a feeling of having connected to millions of Indians across the country, only to see them vanquished as I opened my eyes to reality yet again, and this time, I squarely blame journalism for it. As I opened my eyes, the TV screen was poised right there in front of me, as if India's TV journalists were telling me, "You gotta see buddy, you just can't ignore it". On screen, was this woman journalist, asking a man at Churchgate station in Mumbai,"Ek hafte ke baad, aapko kya mahsuus ho raha hai? (What are you feelings like, a week into the incident?)". Thats when I told myself, damn, to hell with you man. Here is a country trying hard to put the past behind herself, and move ahead, a country and a city determined to truly 'move on', then why are you holding us back???? Aren't there some things you really want to forget quickly in life? Well, these may also be the same things you just can't seem to forget either. But when, there's somebody behind your back trying to drive it into you each and every time, I'd surely not forget it as much as I'd want too. And maybe, I'd let my inability to forget vent itself out on the cause, in this case, journalism.
For starters, aren't there good things happening in this world today. How often have you opened the newspaper, to see a truly inspirational headline hit your eye? How often have you switched on the TV not to see stories of blasts, deaths, rapes, murders etc.? Well, these are important in their own rights too, and it's the duty of the media to highlight these to keep the common man informed. But, but, but...there is a but to it......afterall.

When will I wake up to see the picture of a blind boy or girl trying to study and enhance his/her knowledge? When will I wake up to see a 15 year old kid, doing his/her best to support his/her ailing parents? When will I wake up to see an inspirational act, be it in politics, sport, academics etc truly grab the headlines? When will I wake up to see the underlying words, love, compassion, human spirit strewn all over the headlines?

I've started longing for this day now. And it's also important, that amidst all the noise, journalists do realize that life goes on afterall, and it's not necessary to sit back and harp on the past, rather, it's about aiding the common man in his journey ahead. Whether that be to instill faith and inspiration in him, whether that be to throw light in his path, or whether that be to just help him forget the past, I don't know! It's something you guys (the journalists) need to analyse for yourself.
As for me, that's probably why I've started reading the newspaper only at night. Cuz afterall, sleep beckons soon after, and I wake up the next morning with filtered and clean thoughts. Most of the headlines would've seeped through my memory during the night ofcourse, cuz if I were to avoid heading the paranoic way, It's time I learnt to forget !

When passion overrides common sense....

As I carefully watched the progress of the 2nd match yesterday, the match which was to decide who would meet England in the quarters, the battle of 2 European powerhouses (Portugal and Holland), none short of pride or footballing skill or history, I couldn't help but think of two things FIFA have been publicly promoting throughout this World Cup campaign - 'A time to make friends' & 'Fair Play'. But sadly, very sadly, none of it worked yesterday.

A bruised and battered Portugal will now take on England in the quarter finals on the 1st of July, and I can't help but think, if this is afterall England's World Cup!!! Everything just seems to be falling into their platter as and when they need it, they're barely getting the goals to take them through and destiny has supported them with their scruffy defending.

As Steve Mc'mahan said at the end of the game yesterday, "The true winners and beneficiaries of all the mess that unfolded last night is England'.

Luiz Felipe Scolari would have to bring out his magic wand if he were to put it past England again this time. No Deco, No Costinha, an injured Ronaldo and a captain Luis Figo likely to face further implications for his head butt on Mark Van Bommel(a 3 match ban as per standard FIFA regulations), are the least of worries that poses Big Phil right now. With Pauleta not scoring as many, and the teeth taken off both his wings, Scolari will be up against the odds on Saturday at Gelsenkirshen, hoping against hope that Maniche would deal the final blow yet again. Add to it the fact that if England were to score first and score early, then our good ol' man Sven would revert to his most shambolic ways - Defense. He'll simply pack the midfield and with Scolari hardly left with any attacking options to choose from, I can just about see this turning out into another school boys encounter. People are ceasing to ask whether England are reserving their best for the rest, but I just can't seem to digest that one!!!!

With every passing day in this most eventful 2006 FIFA World Cup, my belief in destiny and its support to England seem to multiply.

Sometimes, the best footballing teams play the most boring football, cuz' they're not interesting in entertaining people, they're interested in Winning. England seem to be on that course now.

I guess I'll die another day...

That’s precisely what England are saying to themselves at this point of time. Yes, they’ve lived to fight another day in Germany, but it’s going to be just another day, only one more day.
Portugal or Netherlands would determine their future in this World Cup, and as I write this, neither you nor I nor the rest of the world knows who it’s gonna be. But one thing’s for sure. England have had it dead damn easy till now, but it ain’t getting easy from here on.
Continuing to be the die hard English fan that I am, and given a choice between Portugal and the Dutch, I would pick neither, but under the circumstances we're in now, I’d wish for the Dutch. And I’d substantiate this wish by saying that the Dutch look weak at the back, and that’s England’s chance, the only chance. Scolari I’m sure is already plotting England’s downfall again, and if he were to get there, no one would dispute the fact that he’d win the battle over Sven once again, a repeat of Euro 2004. In comparison, Marco Van Basten does have a very energetic and young squad, the kinds that get over excited every now and then, and herein lies England’s chance.
I’m struggling to look at the positives they’ve had from this game, and there’s hardly anything to count from. No team is ever gonna win the world cup by scoring from dead ball situations. You need to make more of open play, and crack defenses open, the kinds England are not able to do right now. They look listless, directionless, unfocused, dispassionate, disillusioned, wary, creatively lost in a maze and physically exhausted. And yet again, it’s the Sven aroma! Initially, I was happy that he’d gone with the 4-5-1 system, somewhere deep down thinking, he did read my blog afterall! But then, you can't test something in a knock out match can you, you need to have worked on it in the past and ensured that it would work to your advantage. Did England’s performance suggest that they worked on this formula earlier– NO!
As I tire my eyes to look through the statistics of this game and what it unfolds for the future, the only thing that hits me is this. England’s most energetic (and I use the word energetic, not best) performance came against Sweden – A European nation. Whom are they gonna face next – A European nation! The other 3 teams they’ve seen off till now have been non-European, having their distinct way of playing football, the kinds England struggle to get used too. Most European countries play the same brand of football, the pacy, hard fought midfield battles, and this is what England is decently good at, though they’re yet to show that as well. As I look at the the Dutch or the Portuguese, I’ve come to realize, that they’ll stretch England, and in turn England can stretch them too. Whether they really do it, is left to them. Though, a close watch at the Sweden game would make you ponder, that Sweden did stretch them after all, and they did stand up to the test, albeit with a couple of defensive blunders. That’s precisely the only positive I can take out of this game!
If I had the rights to enter the England dressing room today, I’d go in there and stick this banner up loud and clear – ‘You’re just living to die another day!’

England – In strategic turmoil...

Yes, I’m writing this. Just to clarify, I’m also writing this in my complete senses. I’m probably one of the biggest fans of the English game and the EPL, which by default, makes me support England too. But then, the last 2 games of the world cup, which have featured England, have made me realize the true meaning of ‘STRATEGY’. Yeah, the word is all over the place. You talk of business strategy, market strategy, product strategy, it’s everywhere, and in simple terms what does it mean – A PLAN.
Does England have it when they get on the football field? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO……..
Eleven individually talented players, eleven exceptionally skillful men with the ball at their feet, all eleven of them world class in their own right, and one _______ (you fill it up!!!) as a manager. Yes, I’m talking about Sven. This article’s not about England’s shambolic performance at the world cup so far, but is about England’s shambolic management in the world cup so far!!
Firstly, don’t blame any of the players. All of them are doing what they’ve been told to do. And who tells them what to do – Sven Goran Ericcson! A guy whose already hung up his boots and is hardly bothered about England’s progress / doom in this world cup. A guy whose been with this team for the last 5 years and has hardly done anything to suggest, that he was the right man for this job. A guy who seems to have to the least amount of passion for the job, or the country, or its players, or its fans – at least he shows very less. Let me give you examples, infact lets analyze individual players:

The Captain – David Beckham. For me, he’s the Sourav Ganguly of India. Ok, I might be too harsh on him by saying that, but he’s very close. Amazing looks, no disputing that. If I were a woman, I’d have tripped for him as well. But let’s talk football. For me, he shouldn’t start, or even if he does, he should come off at half time or so, especially if the game goes the way it did against T&T. He is the prime reason, behind England’s lack of pace. He negates all of it, simply because he can’t make any kind of darting runs at defenders. For England to progress far in this tournament, they have to inject pace into themselves, and Beckham’s presence will kill it on the right flank.
Let’s talk at what Beckham does best – To deliver classy balls in the box. Alright, you have Crouch now. But then, Rooney’s fit and he is most likely to start against Sweden and for all the remaining games of the World Cup. Owen partnering him would be an obvious choice. Both short guys, which in effect means, that Beckham’s crosses into the box are negated, and England will have to revert to the short passing game.
Now in a situation like this, whose gotta take a call – The coach. Will he? I doubt it, seriously! Beckham will play 90 minutes of all England games, rest assured, as long as Sven is at the helm of things, and adding salt to injury, would be the fact that Crouch will start too, to support what Beckham’s primarily there to do.
The kingpin – Steven Gerrard. For me, he’s the best player in the World, and what’s he best at doing – Controlling the play. Has he been allowed to do that with England? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…..
In more ways than one, England have sinned themselves by bringing out 2 exceptionally talented midfielders, Lampard & Gerrard at the same time. Both play the same kind of football, in the same position, excepting the fact that Gerrard gets back more often to help his defenders out, forcing him to play 2nd fiddle to Lampard when they pair up for England. People, who’ve seen Gerrard play for Liverpool, especially over the last season, couldn’t have ignored the metal he’s made off.
So what does Sven do again? Nothing, I mean nothing. He continues to play both of them in the same position, and you can see, Gerrard is not happy & is neither comfortable, but country comes first, doesn’t it! Truly experienced coaches have the power to identify loopholes like these and fix it immediately. Sven I’m sure has the brains to figure it out as well, or the press might have told him by now, but the difference being – He’s too afraid to do something about it.
For me, I’ve always maintained it. England should at least try playing 5 in midfield, with Carragher or Owen Hargreaves playing the holding role in midfield. This gives both Gerrard & Lampard to oppurtunity to push up, create a link up with the forwards and thus crack open defences. Remember, this also gives Gerrard the opportunity to show the power of his right foot from 25-30 yards out, the stuff he’s been dishing out for Liverpool regularly over the last season. I still do remember, Sven had the audacity to try this out during one of the qualifiers, and it worked wonders, with Ledley King doing the holding role. But why did he try it then? Only because one of his regular forwards (I don’t remember who!) was injured, so he just left 1 upfront and played 5 across the middle of the park. How can he do it now, with both Owen & now Rooney fit as well? is the million dollar question.

Innovation i believe, is totally lost on this guy.
The motivator – Wayne Rooney. Ask any English fan, whose gonna get the goals at the World Cup, pop comes out one name – Rooney. His injury was most unfortunate for himself and England. But ofcourse, the Gods must’ve been crazy, to get him fit so quickly. Nevertheless, he’s not gonna get goals out of nowhere, he needs support, which ain’t coming right now, because of the mind block Sven has created for himself and England in midfield. Though, no one would dispute the fact that he’s one helluva motivator. If not for him coming on against T&T, England might have well settled for a draw.
The silent performer – Joe Cole. For me, he’s England’s trump card. He’s been quietly performing week in, week out for Chelsea and has in the process solved one of England’s biggest nightmares – The search for a left sided midfielder! The only one in the England squad right now, whose got the ‘ballzzz’ to run at defenders and beat them too.
The Rock – John Terry. He’s the sole reason why I believe England are still tough to beat in this World Cup. If his goal line clearance against T&T is anything to go by, then rest assured, scoring against England is as tough as it can get. Ok, England aren’t scoring goals, or aren’t playing the kind of football they’re known or supposed to play, but they’re not conceding either, and that’s the only positive aspect for them so far, the credit of which largely goes to this man in my dock right now.
The poacher – Micheal Owen. Class is permanent, form is temporary. I believe, it’s just a matter of time. Leave this guy alone for a while, and he’ll get back to doing what he does best. Scoring goals! Yet again, don’t squarely blame him, because the midfield right now is just not doing enough to facilitate him.
The creator – Frank Lampard. I believe this guy is confused. His understanding with Gerrard has not been of the highest quality, leaving him in the wrong positions with the wrong frame of mind most of the time, not sure whether to shoot or to pass. Yet another illustration of the doom England are bringing upon themselves with Sven’s rigidity.
The rest, Paul Robinson, Ashley Cole, Rio Ferdinand & Gary Neville, well, they aren’t doing anything substantially great or grave to alter the course of things. So let’s just let them be.
I don’t know how many of you know about Sam Allerdyce – The Bolton Wanderers coach. If I was the president of the FA, I’d have paid him bombs to get him here and manage this team. Cuz, after all it takes someone like him and his pedigree (going by what he’s done at Bolton over the years) to change the fortunes of this team, and more so, he is English!!!
Overall, I’d still support this team till their last appearance in this World Cup, but can’t help appalling the tactics of the Ol’ man. Add to it his attitude or the lack of it, and any English fan across the globe would boil with fury. Going by what Argentina did to S&M yesterday, going by what Spain did to Ukraine, or going by what the Czech did to USA, if England continue this way, the last 8 (maybe, that’s an overestimation as well, if they end up meeting the host team in the round of 16) will be the farthest they will get..
Wake up Sven, wake up. Be a MAN.

and I'm down with the sickness...

Add me to the casualty list !!!
Yes, I've been smitten and smitten hard. I'm truly going down with the sickness, the Soccer Sickness (SS). It's getting increasingly tough to concentrate on anything right now. As ESPNStar say 'Life is in an 8 inch diameter now'. Blame it on publicity, blame it on the beautiful game itself or blame it on the players and the hype surrounding them, it still has to be accepted, that football is the single largest thing that binds the world, that cuts across barries, bridging gaps, refuelling lost causes and evoking charm.
It's less than 24 hours and it's probably gonna be the most testing for me in terms of holding back my excitement. Brazil, england, spain, france, portugal, argentina, italy, netherlands, czech, sweden...woaaah..they're all in there. Personally, I'm rooting for the English...Booooooo, all you Brazilian fans might be saying, but huh, What if they are the most flamboyant afterall !! All of you would still agree, that if there's anyone whose gonna come the closest in challenging them, its gotta be England..
So let's pray and hope for 31 injury free days, filled up drama, excitement, joy, sorrow (for 31 teams), hope & immortality. Let's also hope that amidst all the noise, the referres dont snatch all the limelight, cuz in most cases, when they do so, its for the wrong reasons !!!

Cheers to a memorable world cup at Germany 06. Happy Watching....
JOGA BONITO !!!!

The journey so far......

Quite frankly, I’m pretty jobless in office today, and that’s the reason why this article comes your way. People say, ‘An idle mind is a devil’s abode’. For me, it works slightly differently. ‘My idle mind is my creative side’s chance to blossom’. Given that, I just wouldn’t mind being idle more often than I am now, if in the process, its gonna enhance my creativity!
I was thinking today, all of the possible things I could write about, and bang – there was no end to the thought process. Firstly, I wanted to write an article on myself, then one on my so-called ‘Top 10 reasons to live’, one of course on my BOSS (?!??!?!?!?, don’t worry, its not going to be derogatory), and one dedicated to my mum!
So here I kick start it all off, and guys – pls don’t blame me if you don’t after all see the other posts I’ve mentioned above, simply because, my thought process is undergoing a rapid series of changes these days, sometime I’m trying hard to cope with.

In that line of order, the first one takes off, right here, right now.

This one’s a take on my life, my experiences over a span of 23 years, my methodologies, my beliefs, my thought process, what life has given me, what I’ve given life, how I look at life today, How I’d want to look at it in the future, my, my, my … blah blah blah… (Ah, what a selfish guy, writing only about himself! But whaddha hell..)

Today, I believe in certain concrete things. I also believe in certain statements, some of them created by me, for me, and some created for me by some GOD-sent strangers or should I say literates. So here goes....

I believe I’m an average guy, no better or worse than the one next door..

I believe I’m fighting life every step of the way. My turn to enjoy the essence of it is yet to come, but I do know, it’s somewhere round the corner..

I believe that GOD has sent me onto Planet Earth to fight my sophisticated opponent, and that opponent is called – LIFE. I also know that my sternest test is going on right now, at this very moment.

I know for sure, that I’ve seen the worst of it all at 22, and that’s the reason I’m still alive today, cause the future can only be better, much better…

Today, as I stand at another crossroad of this journey, my past experiences are whispering to me, "You've lived long enough to know that anything's possible, anything", and I've been compelled to believe this.

On the road to this juncture in life, I've gone on to become fiercely independent by the moment, learning it the hard way in the process, and this i guess, is my biggest strength today.

As Pearl Buck says ‘Inside myself is a place, where I live all alone, and that’s where I renew my spirits, that never dry up’. I worship him, for coming up with this.

I’m extremely religious. I fear GOD, cause I’ve come to realize, that he’s the Master. He’ll stretch you to the limit, and still have his way. That’s his power, and those kinda powers are only to be worshipped, not ignored or messed around with.

I know I’m not cut out for a 9-6 job. There’s a creative self within me dying to come out, dying to show to the outer world, what he’s made off.

I’m still trying to figure out, the who’s, what’s and why’s behind me being an engineer today. I just don’t feel cut out for this…Damn (This calls for a SWOT analysis)

I know for sure, that before I get the call of the ktulu, I’d have put my hands into all of the following – an MBA in marketing (just as an avenue to open up my mind and make me look at life and it’s situations more differently than the way I am doing right now), theatre (something, I’m already into today), playing a part in cancer awareness, RJing, modelling(?!??!?!) and advertising. Somewhere in between, if I’m jobless, I might have done a desk job too, like the one I’m doing now.

The above statement might make you want to say, ‘This guy is confused, totally confused’. Strictly speaking, I’m not…and yeah, someday I'll learn to play the drums or the guitar maybe, cause I don't wanna go to my grave thinking, 'Freak, I didn't learn a single musical instrument all my life!'

I believe in spreading a smile, onto every person’s face. Dunno, how far I’ve gone in achieving that. I still get a large amount of satisfaction, when I see someone smile or laugh cause of something I said or did.

I’ve had no derth of friends, and I truly thank GOD for this. It’s an irreplaceable gift.

My friends abhor my sense of humour. Some of them say, that I’m still trying hard, very hard to reach the average level of humour, but nevertheless, they do laugh at my wisecracks, occasionally…very occasionally; most other times they beat me up!

I’m very conscious of the way I look, even within the 4 walls of my own room.

I love clothes. Well, who doesnt ! To add to the misery, I mostly shop alone, cause I dont want anyone else's opinion in this matter ?!??!?!? Weird, aint it !

I introspect a lot. Every now and then, I sit down to think of how my days have gone by, my reactions to situations, to people, and how differently I could’ve done it.

I’m a cleanliness freak. Everything around me, should be spic n' span. Drop by my house, and you’ll see for yourself!

My perspectives today, are quite different from most 23 year olds. Sometimes, my brother says ‘ You talk like a 45 year old’. Frankly, I don’t want to, I’ve been made to. And, that's the reason I act like a 6 yr old, at times !

If I were to live out the average age of a human being today, I’d say 40% of it is almost over. By the time the next 40% comes around, my take on all of the issues mentioned above might be drastically different…Hope they are as well, otherwise, what’s the meaning of ‘Evolution’.

AIDS vs. Cancer

vs.

This article would surprise a lot of you again I would think, but don’t most of my articles do so? It’s been on my mind for quite a while, and I always felt I needed to write about it, simply because, I couldn’t hold back the reasoning within me.
Firstly, for all those reading this, please note that I am no medical practitioner, neither am I here to discuss the medical consequences of AIDS over Cancer or vice versa. Let me also make it clear, that I have no intentions of maligning / harming any organization, image or person who were/are contributing towards the fight against any of the above mentioned 2 diseases.
For all those who’ve known me well, will also know, why I’m writing this article today. I’m doing so because I feel it relevant enough to talk about the awareness levels of these 2 diseases amongst the youth of this country today. I’ve also begun to genuinely indulge myself in this subject nowadays and it wont be too long, before which I decide to stand up and help the millions fighting against the subject in question.
I was just about completing 21 years on planet Earth when this word was thrown before me, almost forcing me to embrace it and take it into my stride. Not one to deter, I did the most defaulted thing there was to do – embrace it, albeit with loads of apprehensions. Back then; I had no idea what Cancer was all about. Truly, my knowledge of the subject was Zilch! Don’t know, If I was so naïve not to know about it, or was society at large ignorant of this word and its consequences, which in turn led to my downfall. And herein, lies my question:

Why is the youth of today so much more aware of AIDS and its consequences as compared to CANCER, or for that matter of fact, any other deadly disease there is?

But, I’m going to talk about Cancer in particular, because, I don’t see it as any less deadlier than AIDS today.
I might be totally wrong in putting up this question itself, but as I’ve observed and lived everyday of my life, continuously interacting with a number of people of my age in the process, I’ve come to believe in this very question itself, and my strife to find the reasoning behind it is also taking unimaginable proportions by the day.
Yesterday, I was watching a cricket match on ESPN. Ceremoniously, at the end of the over, they broke off into a commercial break. On came, Virender Sehwag speaking in his highly developed and very new English language, trying to spread the message that he of course has everything now, but what about the millions suffering from AIDS, especially children. Another one that stands out was the commercial I saw at PVR the other night, where this lady gives statistical figures of the number of women affected by AIDS today, simply because, their husbands didn’t believe in the concept of condoms. A few standouts amongst the many sincere calls made by celebrities/ the common man alike, across the world to join hands in the fight against AIDS. I truly appreciate these efforts. I also truly commend The World Health Organization (WHO) and other health organizations / Governments / NGO’s etc who are working day and night in their effort to support AIDS victims as well as spread the awareness of AIDS. I also do believe like most of us do, that they have achieved at least 30% of their motive today, going by the encouraging results (albeit small) right in front of us, that too in an progressively developing country like India.
But I just wonder, somewhere down the lane, have we neglected other and equally important diseases, such as Cancer.
How else would you explain the fact, that 4 out of 6 people I asked had no idea what ‘Chemotherapy’ was all about, but they did know, the various means through which AIDS could be spread? How else would you explain the fact, that the same percentage of people actually said that ‘Cancer is a curable disease and has been medically proven’, when posed with the inevitable question? How else would you explain the fact, that many people I asked didn’t have much idea of how Cancer was caused, or the general foundation for Cancer cells to grow, whereas, they not only knew the full form of the acronym AIDS but also knew the necessary precaution to be taken to avoid being on the receiving end of it? A small number you might say. A number that does not truly reflect the medical knowledge of Indian citizens you might say. A number that needs to be much larger and must be able to cut through diverse barriers of culture; if we were to draw such conclusions, you might say. But all said and done, I didn’t do it as part of some national survey. I did it on a random basis just to see if it enhances my belief even more, and you bet, it did – That Cancer is after all not as popular amongst the Indian public as compared to AIDS, and more often than not, it acts as a second fiddle to the big daddy himself.
And now to reason out, why I believe, Cancer is as dangerous and needs to be given as much importance as AIDS. At the outset, before I go into this, its vital to know, that Cancer has not yet been completely cured today – which leaves it on the same benchmark as AIDS! This in itself is a grave misconception, a trap that I fell into myself. Across the world today; humans have done a grave mistake by generalizing the world Cancer. Cancer in itself is just a parent object, with millions of child objects that are actually responsible for the consequences, this disease is known to possess. This inturn has played a role in the overall assumption that Cancer is cured today. As most of you would know, Cancer occurs in various forms and in various parts of the body, and each of them are genetically totally different from each other. As far as I know, and I may be wrong as well, breast Cancer and a few others are the only ones for which standardized cures have been found. But then again, note the word ‘standardized’. These cannot be considered as permanent remedies simply because they don’t have the same consistency when tried on different patients. The most vital thing in Cancer is the stage in which it is detected. Oncologists across the world, rarely carry a glimmer of hope, when Cancer is detected at Stage III or above, though they never openly express it (there are the miraculous exceptions of course). However, it is also true, that Oncologists would most probably give a breast cancer patient more chance of surviving as compared to someone else, simply because, standardized solutions are now available for these, and they have a very high probability of working (but never 100%). Not to forget that the biggest thing about Cancer, is the symptoms it produces, which in many cases, are so well hidden that the patient could continue living a normal life till the cells progress into Stage IIC or IIIA.
True blue media hype whenever such solutions have been found, have also been dramatically responsible in spreading the wrong notions. For ex, I read this article in the newspaper the other day. The headlines said ‘___________ Institute of Oncology successfully tests Cancer drug.’ As I went on to read, the article was specifically pertaining to bone marrow Cancer. I was left thinking, how ridiculous can it get? When the research is specifically meant for bone marrow Cancer, why can’t they explicitly mention it! For someone who indulges himself only in headlines, couldn’t this prove to be a big disaster?
Overall, I am not saying that Cancer and its cause / effects haven’t been promoted properly by the corresponding organizations, but what’s being done is surely not enough. It just pains me to read statistics of the number of people succumbing to Cancer every year, and to then realize; that the number is actually not too far behind AIDS itself!
I just hope that positive steps would be taken in this direction to spread awareness of this deadly disease, firstly amongst the educated youth of this country. I on my part am ready to do anything, to help in this cause….

Arise.... Awake....

One sunny morning;
two weary eyes.
trying to look around;
at what's in sight.

A delirious mind;
living in yesterday.
Tarnished thoughts;
of a chequered past.

A restless body;
A listless soul.
Hackled imaginations;
which never let go.

A wrinkled face;
Some ruffled hair.
A throat gone dry;
personifying despair.

Silence of the world;
music to my ears.
a single ray of light;
hope of a thousand years.

A window half open;
A curtain flying high.
a cool breeze blowing;
kissing my wearied eyes.

the creak of the door;
and a deep slumber shortened.
A nonchalant mind disturbed;
a fictitious dream shattered.....

Tumkur Calling - Part 2....

Yeah, I'm back at base, and I'm definitely not feeling good about it. Don’t know why, this concept of hangover came into existence? It’s so sickening you know, sometimes, thinking of the hangover itself, people go against having all the fun. Ahhh.... All kinds of time are surely going to end some day or the other, be it good or bad. So why be tensed about the good times ending or the bad times beginning!!!
Hehe, oh my god, I took off on a tangent it seems. What am I here to talk about!!! Yes, Halcyon and the 3 days (rather 2 for me) that passed away with it. Truly, some great moments to cherish. It must be said, that to a certain extent, it pained me to see the meagre turnout at Halcyon this year, but there's no one to blame I would think. Firstly, Annavaru's demise ensured that our fest clashed with BMSCE's Utsav, yet again, rendering it not to be a coincidence anymore, since this happened for the 3rd yr in a row. Secondly, I have come to believe, that the name Tumkur has to lot to play in this. Yes, its true, that just 60 kms away from the cosmopolitan culture of Bangalore, life is certainly different, and if you don’t get adjusted to it, you’re surely going to suffer. But that’s hardly any reason to blemish things right? I’m sure tons across the college circuit, would be thinking ‘SIT Tumkur – naaaaahhhh’, but of course, for those of you who’ve come and watched it, if not this time, some earlier time, I’d hope you’d want to disagree. Not everything can be or is, as it is in most colleges in Bangalore or the other parts of the state, say Mysore, or Manipal etc. But yeah, we still know how to have fun, provide fun and make the damn place rock, don’t we!!!!
Arriving on the midnight of 21st April, I could feel all the positive vibes go through my system and body. I’m really really trying to figure out why this great attachment to the fest, but it sometimes is so hard to believe! As it goes in the Baywatch theme –

And instinct is stronger than reason; it’s just human nature to be!!!

As I walked through the gates that night, I wishes and prayed for some extra years at the place. I cursed myself for having cursed the place when I was there. Life is a paradox isn’t it, an ‘Orbeeeeetttt’ as Kapoor would say – what goes around comes around!!
Spent a few hours in the board room (the only place in the whole of Tumkur I would say – where you get the privilege of A/C), had the audacity to sip on beer right there inside and watch these juniors run helter-skelter to get things into place. Had some awesome biryani, sitting on the table, the table on which the fortunes of SIT are decided every now and then! Headed back to Keshav’s flat @ around 3AM, to get some much needed sleep as I had to be all fresh to conduct JAM (or JOM as SMS says) the next morning.

7AM – 21st April. I woke up with this real spring in my step, looking forward to being involved in Halcyon one more time, or maybe even, one last time! As the modalities for JAM were getting right, I did manage to get a glimpse of extempore, that very podium of the seminar hall, where I’d made the audience listen to many a crap of mine.
As time passed by, it was as if, I was desperate to hold it back, but in the process, running ahead of it! The energy in me always wanted to move on and get things done quickly, whereas deep down, I was reeling in anguish I guess, looking at the sands of time fly by me again.
JAM was an absolute honour to conduct. Every year, SIT’s JAM always produces a lot of new comers, and that was the case this time as well. Objections – some sustained, most overruled filled the Audi as the JAM MASTER held forth for the next 3 hours or so. Noise filled the place, with people trying hard to speak for at least 2-3 seconds on the trot. Funny ain’t it, sometimes, you think, you’ve got it right, you’ve got what it takes to be right up there, but once you reach there, huh…you’re just being beaten down by the crowd, your just being jostled around while you try and get your footing right. That’s precisely the way it works in JAM as well. What you say, you say it well, be it crap after all, cuz if you ain’t going to say it well, rest assured, you’ll have 5 other Jammer’s breathing down your neck that very second.
With talk raging from tongue twisters, to sidhuisms, to chaitu’s favourite words ‘Blind bandicoot’, to hailing me, myself, yes the JAM MASTER…it was gleefully satisfying. Of course, there were cases, where my English grammar was put to the test as well, but I just managed to scrape out it seems.
The post lunch session zipped off in a fizzy, with me not recollecting much, since I’m now writing this after quite a while!!! The evening of course was one to treasure. All evenings @ Halcyon always promise to be a gala affair and it turned out that way this time round as well. Modifications and up gradations at SIT meant, that the Open Stage had to be shifted from the stadium to right in front of the ‘Archi’ block. This did deter the overall aroma of the stage, as we were so used to seeing it at the stadium each time.
Choreography went on for a while; followed up Western music, with SDM, SIT n SSIT belting out some ACDC, Metallica, and Dire straits amongst others.
Well, I’m thinking I’d rather move ahead and go on to describe what happened for the better part of the night from here on. As the night wore on, and as another day of Halcyon bit the dust, we settled down at our abode, ahhhh… Jamuna – the bar n restaurant as its called!
Booze accompanied with noise, accompanied with people, accompanied with smoke in the air followed for the next couple of hours as the minute hand of the clock struck 12 reminding us, that there was after all another day to look fwd to in life. Cop trouble, which seems to be the latest rage these days, ensured that we scooted from the place soon enough, only to head off to our retreat – Devarayan Durga or DD hills in its abbreviation.

1 AM, 4 bikes, 8 guys, an empty road, 4 bottles of beer and biting cold weather? That’s pretty much summarizing it all. Damn, I revealed the whole thing upfront. That of course will not stop me from giving you a further peek into life right up there on top.
As we sat there on top, watching the minimal long standing lights in the town fade out, it was almost like GOD was telling us ‘This is bliss, and I’m giving it to you for about 2 hours, live it as much as you can’. And live it we surely did. Shevade as usual kept us bemused while his melodious voice rung out some of the latest tracks to hit the bollywood circuit, jokes filled the air, mostly ranging from ridiculous PJs to horrendously dirty ones! Manu wouldn’t stop on his smoking spree, keshav dozed off, Shevade took us all on a trip with that awesome Tamil no. of his, whatever that meant under the sun!!! Kulla, kris, myself, akshay n the others were still reeling in the aroma of the place it seems. As the clock struck 3 AM, we headed back down, desperate to shut our eyes for the next 8 hours or so. Oh, not to forget, the million and one resolutions that went around this time, about all of us making it to the breakfast table next morning at 8. But, true to Shevade and keshav’s credit, they did make it, organizers after all. On the way back of course, its worth mentioning, that I saw one of the better sights in Tumkur – truly Swades style!!! A play happening at 3AM, in a village off the daily grind of society! Amazing, huh, really, we were truly taken aback as well. We parked ourselves for about 15 mins, as we watched a truly Mahabharata style episode, with the actors and actresses dressed in traditional attire with mind-boggling, splendid makeup. Guess all of us were still trying to come to terms with what we were seeing, at that time of the night, but true to the fact, it was probably the only occasion throughout the calendar year, that the villagers got a break like that.

Day 3 or rather Final Day followed much the same pattern as the rest. Huh, the only change being, the day began at 1 PM for Kulla, kris and me, as we struggled hard to get out of the threshold of DD hills the previous night. Loitering through the campus one last time, guess we were trying hard to think of all that we were missing already, trying hard to live in the moment, trying hard to absorb as much as we could of the mortal remains of our engineering days, trying hard to foresee a bright future amidst such pleasant surroundings, trying hard to think, if it was really that bad or we’d just underestimated it so badly…
The evening rolled in, so did the music, so did the people and so did the fun. As the night drew closer, back stage plans were already being drafted to head out to the retreat yet again…
Its almost like a repeat of the previous night …hehehe..I have this serious urge within me to use the power of windows and paste the same thing again, but that would surely count as heights of laziness wouldn’t it, and this after all is an hobby for me, so why resort to illegal means?!?!?!?!? As it stood, we were 26 guys, settling down on a moonlight night, in probably the only garden well maintained outside of SIT in Tumkur. Time passed, river rolled, and soon followed some awesome shit. Truly, when beer talks, it forces the others to shut up, I say. Sentimental words filled the night, and for the ones who were still slightly sober, they must’ve had a ball listening to all the crap that followed. Think about it, it probably took us slightly more than 2 hours to drink, but we actually ended up taking as much time to clear the bill as well!!! Amazing, isn’t it, when you have about 20 drunken guys around you, and you got to manage ‘em, that I truly believe is a test of your management skill ;-)
As the pieces of the board were coming back together, so did all of us recover some part of our brain cells! Exquisite planning from 1 AM to 3 AM ensured that the inevitable happened:
6 bikes, 1 car, 19 partially drunk guys, another empty road, a bottle of vodka and you know, where we were all headed! Noise practically followed for the next 3 hours atop DD hills, till the sun showed signs of coming out in the open sky again.
A hot cup of chai early in the morning and soon we were on the bus, back to the hustle bustle of the city, back after reliving ourselves in the sleepy town, back after living the moments of another Halcyon, back to the dust where we belong, hoping…deep down. hoping that the path ahead was one full of Halcyon for all of us !!!!

Tumkur Calling..

I know the title would surprise a lotta you, but what your thinking is not the case. No, no i dont have any arrears or 'suppliiieeess' left in me. Thankfully, I managed to graduate in 4 yrs flat (surprising myself in the process....). The month of April however, exudes a different atmosphere in college. For those who've done B.E across Karnataka, most of you would've guessed by now....yes, it cult. fest time !!!

Halcyon - 06 is calling, and I wont disappoint it or myself. So off I am, tonight to the place I once used to dread going to. Same time last year, when I was driving down to tumkur, I'd told Bipin - 'Man, this surely must be the first time, I'm excited about going to Tumkur'. Today I guess, is the 2nd occasion only....

If not for my boss, I should've landed there last night itself. You always can't have the cake and eat it too, they say. No wonder, I'm still here, while Halcyon would be kicking off in about 2 hours time. Some of you might be wondering, why this great attachment to a cult. fest afterall.....

Frankly, I'm wondering too. Its my 5th Halcyon I've been associated with, in some way or the other, playing a major role in event management on 3 occasions (2nd, 3rd & 4th year). Won my share of prizes as well, had my share of fun (actually, its not over yet...), met my share of new ppl (actually...even that's not over yet...), but, there's still that longing feeling within me. Dunno when it'll die down, maybe next year I assume, cuz' then for sure - I wont be knowing too many present students in college...

Anyway, so as it stands, I'm just longing for tonight, to pack my bags, hop onto that bike and head out to de land !!!! Looking fwd to a gala time during JAM, Mockpress, Extempore, Dumb Charades..............etc etc..... Every utter of the word Halcyon send the shivers through me. I've come to believe now, that it runs in my blood. There's this real flood of thoughts which pour in, right from - giving the Vote of Thanks in 2004, to staying awake till 5 AM on the eve of Halcyon making sure everything was in place, to winning cash..hard cash in JAM n' debate, to goofing up, bigtime in DC last year, when we were asked to participate as a Guest Entry, to be chased by cops @ midnight and to feel 10 bikes, rip through the streets on their way to DD hills, to sitting atop DD hills at 4 AM stone drunk with about 20 friends for company, to jammin' in the basketball court to some hit western music ........! Jeeeezzzzz.... I'm thinking, should I report in sick to office today !!!!

Nevertheless, something is better than nothing, its said. For sure, I know, not much can be achieved at work today.....but who cares....

So off I am to the village - which to a large extent has moulded me into the person I am today, hoping to give back to it and college a part of what they've given me...

Back to the hustle - bustle of the city on Sunday, and part 2 of this shall follow then....

Or actually, maybe even before, cuz' I've just come to learn, that hostels in the village - are Wi-Fi enabled......Wooooohhhh.....

Tataaaaaaaa........

Tumkur - I'm coming over....

Close.... {This one's for you Dad}

We will reunite one day in that clear blue sky,
And start off from where we left off, with your silent goodbye.

It’s been close to twenty years now and tears still fall,
But tears from a sorrowful heart, seem to know no end at all.

We had a bond, not like one you’d find everyday,
I wish you were here, for this I really wanted to say.

Your face appears before me clearly, your laughter is still in the air,
Why were you taken away from me? It is more than unfair.

And now I must learn life, not sure of knowing the way,
You promised to be here to help me, if not today, someday.

I’m feeling lonely ever since you left, scared and unsure,
Why can’t you be here to help me through this dark door!

It was you I loved and adored for so long,
But now I’m expected to move on and be strong.

I miss you more as the days go by,
Sometimes I ask questions, but can’t help to cry!

Why were you taken out of my world in the blink of an eye?
If only you gave me a chance to say good-bye.

Life’s different after you left; it’s just not the same,
I still try to remind myself, no one is to blame.

You live in a memory now, a special place in my heart,
And I’ll carry that memory close by me,
Because, then we wont ever have to part.

Revelations of a mind....

People come and people go,
life whizzes by like you've never known,
Most dreams are fulfilled, some others are shattered,
to proudly say that 'I tried', is what that matters !

God up there is waging war on everyone,
Don't you ever think, that you're the only one,
It's a test of character, of mind, body and soul,
as he whispers;
"Clear this hurdle my child, to reach your goal !"

You try and look ahead, at that hazy view,
You’re beginning to think – Where is life taking you?
You’re not so sure, if it’s the start or end,
and then, you stop.....
To see life’s whirlwind trend...

Its more than what you can take right now,
But it still continues to flow...
And that’s how it’ll always remain,
Ready to deal the final blow !

Rest in peace - Chaitu....

SHINE ON.....YOU CRAZY DIAMOND..

Loved you.....Blind Bandicoot !

The turn of events over the last 5 days has left a very bad taste in most of our mouths I would assume. For ppl who dont know, I'm referring to the death of a good friend - Chaitanya Lingam in a car accident last sunday at midnight.

Linga's death is by far is the worst way in which reality could hit all of us I believe. Even now, and for some time more i guess, Linga passes and will pass through every now and then in our mind and thoughts, as and when we do things, which he used to do as well ! Its a most cruel way to take a life, but were no one to comment on that, are we? GOD up there finally does have his way, although we try to believe that we can lead and live life on our own terms all the time.

Im writing all this cuz' the whole episode clubbed with the trip to hyd has left indelible marks on my memory and im sure, all of ours as well. Its just that much more for those who actually went over to watch the last rights being performed, watch 2 parents sob desperately as they tried to come to terms with the drastic end to their 23 year old son, and watch a younger sister trying hard to believe that her elder brother was no more. I believe I saw one of the worst sights I ever wanted to see in my life! All of us have gone through our share of SHIT in life im sure, and more is to come i guess, but somewhere down the lane, as much as all of us tried to hide it, we realized that we were brought back onto Earth with a big damn thud! You cannot always toe the line with life you know, cuz some time or the other, it'll hit you bad. Its almost like a game of cricket, where your the batsman, and the bowler is LIFE, who always gets another chance to come at you, to make you realize that it takes only one instance to finish it all off, buddy! Yes, its quite right, when ppl say 'Youve got 1 life, live it to the fullest' - but pls for heaven's sake, define the word FULLEST to suit your capabilities!

Natural death is one thing, and thats very well accepted after a certain point of time in life, but death of this kind is not what you want to see. Especially, when you hear from his own Dad, that he was afterall on the road to recovery, trying to make something out of his life over the last 3 months since the death of his another close friend. Thats the most strange thing isn't it, GOD does things when you least expect it. All of us would surely say - He didnt deserve such an end, but do we know what we deserve for all the good and bad deeds we've done in life !

I really dont want to prolonge the misery anymore for all of us, but just wanted you guys to sit down and think - Life cannot always be driven at our own pace. We need to realize that we're in a stage, where what we do every step of the way does affect a lot of ppl around us too, mainly our immediate family and our closest circle of friends and foes. So pls pls pls be careful when you get onto that bike the next time, when you get into that car the next time, when you go ahead and do something just to please yourself, not thinking of how it would affect ppl around you !

And as Ibu said while we were parting at hyd - 'Considering the very sad nature of this trip, its a reassuring thought that atleast friends will be there through life's uncertainties'. Hope it always remains that way.

TAKE CARE and GOD BLESS.

A birthday that turned on its head!

April 2nd 2006 - Li’l did I know, that this would turn out this way. Yes of course, I turned 23 a few days back, just another year older, a few more white hairs, a few more responsibilities and the rest of the crap that follows along with it. But, who says it’s not a day to celebrate!
I really was thinking of keeping this day a very low key and sober affair, ha, not that I’m disappointed at what eventually came out of it! Somewhere down the lane, I really did miss mum yesterday, cuz’ if she was here, I’m sure she would’ve left no stone unturned as well (along with my folks like she did in 2004) in making this day extremely special for me. Guess I missed her the most only yesterday over the last 6 months, cuz you realize, whenever it’s a happy occasion, say birthdays, weddings etc etc, the first set and the most default set of people you want to spend it with are your parents and immediate family. But as it stands for me, my friends and cousins are my immediate family and that’s what paid off yesterday.

The day began with its normal chores, though there was this real flood of calls from a minute before midnight. This though stopped at about ¾ quarters past 12 and I did manage to catch up on some good sleep till dawn. Come 7AM, calls continued to flow, and this would go on till the evening. My original plan was to just stick to home, invite a few friends over and have a very simple and quiet evening! Sathi though wanted me over at his place for lunch, to execute the surprise he had in store for me. A good shower, a relatively grand pooja at home, a visit to the temple (after ages!), some extra time spent there trying to gather my thoughts and I was content, cuz I’d done everything that mum would’ve done for me on my birthday, had she been there though!
Time continued to tick along, as the minutes I spent on the cell phone continued to tick along as well. It’s a great feeling to have so many people calling you to convey their wishes, giving you that sense of joy that there are people out there in this world who pull out a minute of their time, to think of you, and hope and pray the best for you! Even more so in my case, where I’ve started to depend of some of my friends for so many various things in life and all of them have stood up to me like strong rocks!
I drove down to Sathi’s at about 1 PM, played cricket with his kids, who of course are real and true jokers and treat me that way as well! Sometimes, I think, my maturity levels really must be as low as theirs, otherwise I cant believe I could jell so bloody well with 2 4 yr old guys. A surprise cake cutting ceremony followed, which was then supported by some good home made food and topped off with amazing kheer.
Sunil, Rohit & Sindhu decided to drop by home at about 3ish, so I had to leave Sathi’s unusually early. Picked up some good Sula white wine and beer along the way and reached home awaiting these fellas. They did come and what I would then call the ‘Sober’ party began! We toasted to the occasion, sat down for a couple of drinks, chatted up on ol’ times, mainly discussing, why Josephites are so much better then Cottonians (hehe…you think I gave into that conversation…bull shit). A game of monopoly began, and that was my first taste of failure for the day, which sadly got extended into cards as well later on in the evening. Monopoly followed for about ½ an hour, in which time, I could buy only 1 Bloody property, that too a utility ‘Water works’!!! Man, I was seriously a loser at this…
The game got abandoned midway – with Sindhu leaving to catch a play. Sunil was off to drop her, and in the mean time, Roti and I decided to pick up more beer as well! So off we were, to Millenium bar and restaurant, the same place which I ended up visiting and shopping from 3 times, in the same day itself! We underestimated ourselves I think, picking up only about 8 cans of beer, as we made our way back home! Tried my best to get the house into some kinda shape (the cleanliness freak that I am!!!) before the boyzzzz dropped in. Some more beer shared between Rohit and me, discussing the various thrills and spills of life followed. Keshav who would then come to be named ‘Shavvvvv’ by Rohit a.k.a his soul mate for the evening, walked in first. In followed, Sunil as well after doing his duties as a responsible boy. By this time ofcourse, Rohit I believe had hit the roof, cuz’ when you see him talking non-stop, I mean…literally…non-stop, you can be rest assured, that his brain cells were under the beer-spell….
Some ridiculously bad PJ’s filled the room, and the occasional giggle as well. The scent of tobacco was not to be left behind either. Music played non-stop, n so did the alcohol as well…
In came the guys….mustve been around 7:30 or so, when Shevade and kris made their way in…along with of course –Vinoa De Goa Port Wine & Peach Schnapps, to go along with the stuff I’d brought already..
So what did we have on the house – Unlimited cans of beer, Sula white wine, Vinoa De Goa Port wine, Peach Schnapps, Bacardi, as well as Golconda red wine, the last 2 of which was bought in the next couple of instalments, thanks to our underestimating capabilities. Kulla followed not too soon later, in which mean time ofcourse, Manu had called and I’d invited him over as well, along with Yashwant & Akshay..
So I’d say, that’s when it all began. Bipin ofcourse was a late entry, by when most of the atmosphere had reached its peak and was in the decline again!
A most amazing and brilliant game of cards followed, to go with the unlimited flow of alcohol! I’m saying amazing, cuz I was an illiterate at cards till this point of time, when I did see a ray of hope only to be demolished by 8 other punters around me. A zillion and one games of black-jack followed, only separated by 2 breaks, the reasons for which, you know very well by now I think…
Our ‘spirits’ were literally in the air, all through the game of cards. Thankfully, I mean really, we were betting 1-2 bucks only, basically dealing just in coins…Coming to think of it, I lost close to 40 bucks I think, just betting in coins. Thank God we didn’t migrate in Rupees, lest my fortunes would’ve been sealed permanently on my birthday! Some ppl just get to have all the fun they say, and that’s how it turned out. Sunil tried saving me from the blushes, but I inturn almost left him on the verge of poverty as well ;-) Well, this game needed a lotta luck, and I sure didn’t have much of that on this day! Rohit continued to enthrall with his antics, sipping more beer along the way, ripping away 1 buck each time from his pocket only to earn 5 in return. He was truly calling the shots, as most of us around there weren’t too aware of how it was all shaping up. This went on for a good couple of hours, with VH1 Great Weekend giving us company on TV. The break eventually came, only when we realized that we’d run out of beer again. A 3rd and final trip to Millenium, (by when the owner who was truly amazed at our alcohol intakes, just greeted us with a wry smile) more beer picked up and back we were at our abode!
The cake cutting ceremony then followed, my 2nd for the day, at 9 PM! OH man, this cake was truly amazing I must say, something called ‘cherry cake’ from Sweet Chariot. I’ve always been a chocolate freak all my life and continue to remain so esp. in such matters, where my risk taking abilities would be at an abject low. This cake changed a lotta that. The traditional birthday song could be heard all over the place, followed by me feeding all the 11 fellas out there twice, some of them even licking the cake off my fingers !!!!yeekssss….but all ok, in the fit of madness I would say!
This break would however bring the curtains down on cards, tho the conversations refused to stop. We continued on our spree of madness, discussing issues from Shiv sena to DD hills to updating Sunil n’ Rohit, all about Halcyon, and our erstwhile tumkur days, as the booze followed, now with Peach Schnapps of course. Dinner did come along as well in the means of egg fried rice n the southi beloved curd rice!!!!!
As the night came to an end, so did the get-together, wouldn’t like to call it a party cuz it wasn’t one in the truest sense! People left just as the way they came in, with the final gang making their way out at 12:30, thus bringing the roof down on another of my most memorable birthdays.
Thanks to all of you again, and I say thanks this time round, cuz you guys with your presence, made me miss mum that much lesser today. Though ofcourse, the icing on the cake would’ve been her presence and her way of freakin’ out at the amount of booze we consumed?????