Thursday, May 25, 2006

The journey so far......

Quite frankly, I’m pretty jobless in office today, and that’s the reason why this article comes your way. People say, ‘An idle mind is a devil’s abode’. For me, it works slightly differently. ‘My idle mind is my creative side’s chance to blossom’. Given that, I just wouldn’t mind being idle more often than I am now, if in the process, its gonna enhance my creativity!
I was thinking today, all of the possible things I could write about, and bang – there was no end to the thought process. Firstly, I wanted to write an article on myself, then one on my so-called ‘Top 10 reasons to live’, one of course on my BOSS (?!??!?!?!?, don’t worry, its not going to be derogatory), and one dedicated to my mum!
So here I kick start it all off, and guys – pls don’t blame me if you don’t after all see the other posts I’ve mentioned above, simply because, my thought process is undergoing a rapid series of changes these days, sometime I’m trying hard to cope with.

In that line of order, the first one takes off, right here, right now.

This one’s a take on my life, my experiences over a span of 23 years, my methodologies, my beliefs, my thought process, what life has given me, what I’ve given life, how I look at life today, How I’d want to look at it in the future, my, my, my … blah blah blah… (Ah, what a selfish guy, writing only about himself! But whaddha hell..)

Today, I believe in certain concrete things. I also believe in certain statements, some of them created by me, for me, and some created for me by some GOD-sent strangers or should I say literates. So here goes....

I believe I’m an average guy, no better or worse than the one next door..

I believe I’m fighting life every step of the way. My turn to enjoy the essence of it is yet to come, but I do know, it’s somewhere round the corner..

I believe that GOD has sent me onto Planet Earth to fight my sophisticated opponent, and that opponent is called – LIFE. I also know that my sternest test is going on right now, at this very moment.

I know for sure, that I’ve seen the worst of it all at 22, and that’s the reason I’m still alive today, cause the future can only be better, much better…
Today, as I stand at another crossroad of this journey, my past experiences are whispering to me, "You've lived long enough to know that anything's possible, anything", and I've been compelled to believe this.
On the road to this juncture in life, I've gone on to become fiercely independent by the moment, learning it the hard way in the process, and this i guess, is my biggest strength today.
As Pearl Buck says ‘Inside myself is a place, where I live all alone, and that’s where I renew my spirits, that never dry up’. I worship him, for coming up with this.

I’m extremely religious. I fear GOD, cause I’ve come to realize, that he’s the Master. He’ll stretch you to the limit, and still have his way. That’s his power, and those kinda powers are only to be worshipped, not ignored or messed around with.

I know I’m not cut out for a 9-6 job. There’s a creative self within me dying to come out, dying to show to the outer world, what he’s made off.

I’m still trying to figure out, the who’s, what’s and why’s behind me being an engineer today. I just don’t feel cut out for this…Damn (This calls for a SWOT analysis)

I know for sure, that before I get the call of the ktulu, I’d have put my hands into all of the following – an MBA in marketing (just as an avenue to open up my mind and make me look at life and it’s situations more differently than the way I am doing right now), theatre (something, I’m already into today), playing a part in cancer awareness, RJing, modelling(?!??!?!) and advertising. Somewhere in between, if I’m jobless, I might have done a desk job too, like the one I’m doing now.

The above statement might make you want to say, ‘This guy is confused, totally confused’. Strictly speaking, I’m not…and yeah, someday I'll learn to play the drums or the guitar maybe, cause I don't wanna go to my grave thinking, 'Freak, I didn't learn a single musical instrument all my life!'

I believe in spreading a smile, onto every person’s face. Dunno, how far I’ve gone in achieving that. I still get a large amount of satisfaction, when I see someone smile or laugh cause of something I said or did.

I’ve had no derth of friends, and I truly thank GOD for this. It’s an irreplaceable gift.

My friends abhor my sense of humour. Some of them say, that I’m still trying hard, very hard to reach the average level of humour, but nevertheless, they do laugh at my wisecracks, occasionally…very occasionally; most other times they beat me up!

I’m very conscious of the way I look, even within the 4 walls of my own room.
I love clothes. Well, who doesnt ! To add to the misery, I mostly shop alone, cause I dont want anyone else's opinion in this matter ?!??!?!? Weird, aint it !

I introspect a lot. Every now and then, I sit down to think of how my days have gone by, my reactions to situations, to people, and how differently I could’ve done it.
I’m a cleanliness freak. Everything around me, should be spic n' span. Drop by my house, and you’ll see for yourself!

My perspectives today, are quite different from most 23 year olds. Sometimes, my brother says ‘ You talk like a 45 year old’. Frankly, I don’t want to, I’ve been made to. And, that's the reason I act like a 6 yr old, at times !

If I were to live out the average age of a human being today, I’d say 40% of it is almost over. By the time the next 40% comes around, my take on all of the issues mentioned above might be drastically different…Hope they are as well, otherwise, what’s the meaning of ‘Evolution’.

22 comments:

sarinstyle said...

while i read your blog i realised
that life however complicated it may seem to you,it may be nothing
but a replica of anothers. I KNOW
what you mean by all those words.
Each and evrythought about evolving
about being stuck in a void and yet
dream becasue you know that god
will not let you go,even if he is
testing you he is watching you like
a hawk ! he will not mould you till he breaks you.

AJ{ax} said...

huh, I'll reserve my comments on GOD m8 !! He just might be listening !

Anonymous said...

I understand & relate to every word that you have written out here. But i'll say is, if the beggar on the road or that small kid who enthusiastically runs to you at every traffic signal trying to sell you newspapers/magazines has a purpose to live in life & to look ahead for whats in store, then you sure as hell do too & you do probably 100 times more than them !! My experience so far has told me that Life gets as easy or as hard based on how you look at it. It bottles down to just plain perception, perception at every stage, every step & every walk of life. I love the part where you say that the future can only get better..it sure can only get better bcoz thats how you look at it positively & when you look at it positively you will surely gain positive results from it. However, if you believe that you've been sent to Planet Earth to FIGHT your opponent life, then all you're gonna be doing all ur life is just fighting, and I believe thats not gonna keep you happy in the long run. Life is to be enjoyed, to be loved & to be lived every moment to the fullest. Don't fight life, embrace it with a smile & try to love it no matter what. You sure are a cleanliness freak, thats absolutely awesome for you & a wonderful quality to have, thanks to mum who drove that right into you. However, also be aware, that tomorrow your wife or kids might not be obsessed with cleanliness as much as you are, at that time, don't fight them, don't resist them, have minimal expectations, let them be the way they are & you just be the way you are. Thats the only thing that will keep you happy & peaceful & help others be more appreciative of you & who knows, it so happens that whenever you have least expectations you tend to get the most! I love to watch you turn into that 6 yr old when you play with your nephews/nieces & I wish that 6 yr old always stays within you even when you turn 60. Keep up the spirit of wanting to do so many different things in life & of making everyone smile around you! For your age, you've done a commendable job & I couldn't be less proud of you.

AJ{ax} said...

thanks for that ! everything in life has to be taken with a pinch of salt..n yeah,as i said, my time to enjoy the essence of it all is around the corner...

Tripti said...

Whats nice is that you know your views can change, and things will change. We are what we see and what we believe. All of us have our baggage. The weight varies. Does matter how much of it can we carry before giving up, but also matters how much of it do we chose to carry.

AJ{ax} said...

im not so sure if i agree with the last bit u said. 'but also matters, how much of it do we choose to carry'.
Do we really have a choice ? Given a choice, woundn't everyone want to be weightless !

APUGONNAB said...

'you act like a 6 yr old at times'?!?!

I think you've got it al worked out - ur bro is right too, but hey! thats kewl too..

proud of u @ every step in life ajay..

@anonymous - who art thou?? Ideally ajay shd b asking u that, but then, he hasnt and I am curious!!

AJ{ax} said...

@ appu..
thanks sis...and pls help me identify anonymous !?!?!?!?

btw...thanks for hosting that night in mumbai..an unforgettable experience..some moments, both good n bad, live on in you as much as u try to wash them off....
that night was one of them...that fateful night..

APUGONNAB said...

"You sure are a cleanliness freak, thats absolutely awesome for you & a wonderful quality to have, thanks to mum who drove that right into you" - thats y its probably family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dont thank me for the eve J - I feel petty..Lets just say - that evening was the beginning of many more wonderful moments to come in life!! Cheers!

AJ{ax} said...

@ anonymous - ur silence is so deathly, that it pounds my heart from within !
I have shortened the list, and i know your part of that list too...Just that I cant seem to hit the nail on its head !
Pls do understand, that at this point of time, ur identity is as important to me, as it is to you..

Quintessential said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Quintessential said...

Ajax, u r a creative genius n count me in if u require some one to tell that to the whole world. N iam damn sure u can be like a 6 year old kid....I hope u remember the walk on the roads inside MDI campus after a rockin time at mojos, making u n ketu stand still without howling some punjabi song ...was almost similar to keeping a six year old in check.
But dude one thing i can always be sure that when i need advice on relationships i wud turn to u always as u really handle them very well.

AJ{ax} said...

@ shinde...
braaaddaaahhh...dont remind me of MDI m8...why cant the good times last forever !! oh well. i guess i gave all of u a hard time that night..dude..18 bottles of beer - 6 guys (-uppi)..hmmm..well !!! we all know who n what was talking ?!??!

Rj said...

mags..thats a nice one..lotsa things to do n so little time..man i just cant seem to forget these lines

"And then the one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
And shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines"

half a page of scribbled lines..what r v now?

AJ{ax} said...

@ ravinder.
oh my friend..we are so similar..i thot of this very song when i wrote this article, and i pondered - 'Let not this article go down the pages of TIME, but let me rise to the occasion each day, and make the most of it, of what - TIME'
well...we're online in this one it seems...TIME & MONEY mate...
n pink floyd have simplifed both of it for us, havent they !

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Vibha said...

honest......modest.....witty......postive....full of life..creative..sensitive...just as you are..[minus the 'modest' part of it...:):) am sure the best is around the corner...and will reach u within no time...:):)

AJ{ax} said...

@ vibha...
thank u thank u....
cant wait for them to reach...or im thinking..have they already reached me n im yet to notice it...just guessing..going by the way the last odd month has gone now ;-)

Vibha said...

coming across the best in one thing..and knowing it is another....:):) and 'best' keeps changing...the fun is waiting and hoping for the best forever...

AJ{ax} said...

your bang on there madamme...comes back to what i call POE u know..Process of Evolution. We change, so we should expect things and people around us to change, and that then accordingly changes our definition of "BEST" and our outlook to it as well, aint it !

Anonymous said...

Fine, I and thought.