Woke up with this feeling,
of having lost it.
Realized I needed it,
and tried looking for it.
Found illusionary bits of it,
but it never felt complete,
Tried to complete it,
but it just wouldn’t fit.
Looked at my reflection,
realized where it had gone.
I’d lost it within myself,
and was looking all around.
Gone it has,
far away from me.
For after all it does have a life,
devoid of me.
It’s not in my nature,
to just let it be.
So run behind it I do,
pulling it back towards me.
I’ve abused it hard,
and murdered it harder.
It’s a dead living being now,
It’s ghost hiding in my shadow.
I’ve realized its worth,
and how precious it is to me.
But I know if I find it,
A life in it will not be.
My search, I will continue,
and change I will.
So when I find it,
I’ll know how to preserve it.
My search I continued,
and found it, I did.
Tried to hold onto it,
But it was only pieces and bits.
I’ve lost it,
and I’ve found it,
But it’s hardly,
how I’d first seen it.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Let(s) go...
There’s something with me and resignation. For reasons far beyond my control, I can’t seem to do it very openly. I wonder why? I spent all of today thinking how I would break the news to my boss. I passed by him several times but just couldn’t muster the courage to broach the issue. This, after dropping a significant hint to him on Friday evening. This guilt trip that I go through deep within is something so very hard to fathom.
Who am I answerable to? – No one
Is the length of my stay in the firm a concern? – Yes, but why, I can’t quite understand
Do I fear my boss? – No
Am I overtly sensitive about what he’ll say? – Partly yes, but should that over-rule the rest of it all.
Some people have vague tendencies and even weirder weaknesses. I’ve realized one of them in myself. I find it hard to let go. I preach it but fail to practice it. I reach out to people when I know they’re slipping away. I frown upon myself for moving on but eventually do by cursing the shit out of myself in the process.
What am I scared of? – The repercussions. Possibly yes.
Will there by any at all? – Not sure, but more often than not, I make them up and worry about them.
This thing about myself is really fascinating me.
I can do with a bit of learning on how to treat bygones to be bygones, and more importantly, when to make what a bygone…..
Who am I answerable to? – No one
Is the length of my stay in the firm a concern? – Yes, but why, I can’t quite understand
Do I fear my boss? – No
Am I overtly sensitive about what he’ll say? – Partly yes, but should that over-rule the rest of it all.
Some people have vague tendencies and even weirder weaknesses. I’ve realized one of them in myself. I find it hard to let go. I preach it but fail to practice it. I reach out to people when I know they’re slipping away. I frown upon myself for moving on but eventually do by cursing the shit out of myself in the process.
What am I scared of? – The repercussions. Possibly yes.
Will there by any at all? – Not sure, but more often than not, I make them up and worry about them.
This thing about myself is really fascinating me.
I can do with a bit of learning on how to treat bygones to be bygones, and more importantly, when to make what a bygone…..
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Cometh the MAN !!!
I'm back to the place where I belong,
Back to the dust and still very strong,
Reminiscent with lessons learnt all along,
Numb and dumb to everything around...
Oh damn, it sure feels good. The hibernation of 10 months was well called for. Things have changed over this period. You will hear about it in due course of time. "Watch this space" - Muhahahahahha...I'm back to selling myself. Damn, Selling is something we've done since we learnt a language i guess.
Anyway, the trigger to come back here was a different reason altogether. I've completed a "quarter" century today (why does the name quarter "hit" so hard). I am so full of intended puns today. Over these 25 years, I've grown to become what I am today. Experiences, tests, risks have all added to the entire package. As I look back today, there's so much that I know about myself. Yes, the whole journey is about discovering and re-discovering, but I'm happy I've progressed on the discovering bit atleast.
Below are the most important things about myself that I've realized over the last 25 years...It might sound as a repeat of a post which is currently on my blog, but well, this state of being is so dynamic. What you are today and what you are tomorrow may have no co-relation to each other. Hence, having said that, any resemblance to any part of my earlier post on this blog, doesn't necessarily have to be coincidental. It's just that, that thought / feeling / emotion which has been repeated here has persisted for so long and might do so in the future as well. So, in all good spirits, here goes...
- I possess uncanny powers of imagination and I often spend a great deal of my life dreaming with my eyes open. "If only", are two extremely important words in my dictionary. They are my oxygen.
- I believe I have a natural dignity that my seem standoffish.
- When I pray, I believe I resonate with God, and pray I still do, quite very often.
- I have been very discrete about my love life, but I hope to break that barrier soon. Infact, 3 people will vouch for the fact that I've gotten down that road already. One of them might read this blog and have a cheeky grin on his face.
- I have had this uncanny knack of handling romantic disappointment well. For me, a breakup has been a good way to learn more about myself and my relationship with people.
- I have NEVER EVER doubted my own ability to succeed and I care two hoots about how long it will take me to actually succeed. Any uncalled for help / support coming along the way is unsolicited. Well, that's the way I am, rather, have been !
- I believe very little happens by chance. I talk about fate, but I don't think I believe in it too much. For me, it's about ability. Period.
- As much as I don't like it too much, I plan my life meticulously. As a result of which, I'm sometimes devoid of surprises. I hope to change that.
- The corollary to the above point could be that I am quite conservative in my approach to life.
- I am extremely good with money, and I know it :-)
- I take great interest in maintaining a good health. But yes, some things are out of my control, albeit for now !!!
- I am not overtly conscious about my diet, but do take care to not go overboard very often.
- In this journey, I really don't mind taking the longer route. The key for me is to enjoy the journey, not the final destination.
- Up until now, I have sailed through life without connecting deeply to too many people, but the one's I have connected with, it's a hard connection to break.
- Not given to emotional extremes, I don't think I'd cause rancor or great love among family.
- As a child, I had great love for my parents, and as a parent, I am more than sure that I'll have great love for my offspring.
- Having said that, I believe in allowing youngsters to succeed on their own, rather than providing emotional support.
Last, and might just be the least,
- In the company of people, I sometimes create an aura that is far bigger than myself and far larger than life.
Ah, I like this post. It's a mirror image of me. And these points go in to be part of that infamous book which is yet to come, the book that will showcase me to the world, in a package that very few people have ever seen before.
Cheers to this day my friend. Love ye all. This feeling of making a COMEBACK is VERY GOOD.
Back to the dust and still very strong,
Reminiscent with lessons learnt all along,
Numb and dumb to everything around...
Oh damn, it sure feels good. The hibernation of 10 months was well called for. Things have changed over this period. You will hear about it in due course of time. "Watch this space" - Muhahahahahha...I'm back to selling myself. Damn, Selling is something we've done since we learnt a language i guess.
Anyway, the trigger to come back here was a different reason altogether. I've completed a "quarter" century today (why does the name quarter "hit" so hard). I am so full of intended puns today. Over these 25 years, I've grown to become what I am today. Experiences, tests, risks have all added to the entire package. As I look back today, there's so much that I know about myself. Yes, the whole journey is about discovering and re-discovering, but I'm happy I've progressed on the discovering bit atleast.
Below are the most important things about myself that I've realized over the last 25 years...It might sound as a repeat of a post which is currently on my blog, but well, this state of being is so dynamic. What you are today and what you are tomorrow may have no co-relation to each other. Hence, having said that, any resemblance to any part of my earlier post on this blog, doesn't necessarily have to be coincidental. It's just that, that thought / feeling / emotion which has been repeated here has persisted for so long and might do so in the future as well. So, in all good spirits, here goes...
- I possess uncanny powers of imagination and I often spend a great deal of my life dreaming with my eyes open. "If only", are two extremely important words in my dictionary. They are my oxygen.
- I believe I have a natural dignity that my seem standoffish.
- When I pray, I believe I resonate with God, and pray I still do, quite very often.
- I have been very discrete about my love life, but I hope to break that barrier soon. Infact, 3 people will vouch for the fact that I've gotten down that road already. One of them might read this blog and have a cheeky grin on his face.
- I have had this uncanny knack of handling romantic disappointment well. For me, a breakup has been a good way to learn more about myself and my relationship with people.
- I have NEVER EVER doubted my own ability to succeed and I care two hoots about how long it will take me to actually succeed. Any uncalled for help / support coming along the way is unsolicited. Well, that's the way I am, rather, have been !
- I believe very little happens by chance. I talk about fate, but I don't think I believe in it too much. For me, it's about ability. Period.
- As much as I don't like it too much, I plan my life meticulously. As a result of which, I'm sometimes devoid of surprises. I hope to change that.
- The corollary to the above point could be that I am quite conservative in my approach to life.
- I am extremely good with money, and I know it :-)
- I take great interest in maintaining a good health. But yes, some things are out of my control, albeit for now !!!
- I am not overtly conscious about my diet, but do take care to not go overboard very often.
- In this journey, I really don't mind taking the longer route. The key for me is to enjoy the journey, not the final destination.
- Up until now, I have sailed through life without connecting deeply to too many people, but the one's I have connected with, it's a hard connection to break.
- Not given to emotional extremes, I don't think I'd cause rancor or great love among family.
- As a child, I had great love for my parents, and as a parent, I am more than sure that I'll have great love for my offspring.
- Having said that, I believe in allowing youngsters to succeed on their own, rather than providing emotional support.
Last, and might just be the least,
- In the company of people, I sometimes create an aura that is far bigger than myself and far larger than life.
Ah, I like this post. It's a mirror image of me. And these points go in to be part of that infamous book which is yet to come, the book that will showcase me to the world, in a package that very few people have ever seen before.
Cheers to this day my friend. Love ye all. This feeling of making a COMEBACK is VERY GOOD.
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