The journey so far......

Quite frankly, I’m pretty jobless in office today, and that’s the reason why this article comes your way. People say, ‘An idle mind is a devil’s abode’. For me, it works slightly differently. ‘My idle mind is my creative side’s chance to blossom’. Given that, I just wouldn’t mind being idle more often than I am now, if in the process, its gonna enhance my creativity!
I was thinking today, all of the possible things I could write about, and bang – there was no end to the thought process. Firstly, I wanted to write an article on myself, then one on my so-called ‘Top 10 reasons to live’, one of course on my BOSS (?!??!?!?!?, don’t worry, its not going to be derogatory), and one dedicated to my mum!
So here I kick start it all off, and guys – pls don’t blame me if you don’t after all see the other posts I’ve mentioned above, simply because, my thought process is undergoing a rapid series of changes these days, sometime I’m trying hard to cope with.

In that line of order, the first one takes off, right here, right now.

This one’s a take on my life, my experiences over a span of 23 years, my methodologies, my beliefs, my thought process, what life has given me, what I’ve given life, how I look at life today, How I’d want to look at it in the future, my, my, my … blah blah blah… (Ah, what a selfish guy, writing only about himself! But whaddha hell..)

Today, I believe in certain concrete things. I also believe in certain statements, some of them created by me, for me, and some created for me by some GOD-sent strangers or should I say literates. So here goes....

I believe I’m an average guy, no better or worse than the one next door..

I believe I’m fighting life every step of the way. My turn to enjoy the essence of it is yet to come, but I do know, it’s somewhere round the corner..

I believe that GOD has sent me onto Planet Earth to fight my sophisticated opponent, and that opponent is called – LIFE. I also know that my sternest test is going on right now, at this very moment.

I know for sure, that I’ve seen the worst of it all at 22, and that’s the reason I’m still alive today, cause the future can only be better, much better…

Today, as I stand at another crossroad of this journey, my past experiences are whispering to me, "You've lived long enough to know that anything's possible, anything", and I've been compelled to believe this.

On the road to this juncture in life, I've gone on to become fiercely independent by the moment, learning it the hard way in the process, and this i guess, is my biggest strength today.

As Pearl Buck says ‘Inside myself is a place, where I live all alone, and that’s where I renew my spirits, that never dry up’. I worship him, for coming up with this.

I’m extremely religious. I fear GOD, cause I’ve come to realize, that he’s the Master. He’ll stretch you to the limit, and still have his way. That’s his power, and those kinda powers are only to be worshipped, not ignored or messed around with.

I know I’m not cut out for a 9-6 job. There’s a creative self within me dying to come out, dying to show to the outer world, what he’s made off.

I’m still trying to figure out, the who’s, what’s and why’s behind me being an engineer today. I just don’t feel cut out for this…Damn (This calls for a SWOT analysis)

I know for sure, that before I get the call of the ktulu, I’d have put my hands into all of the following – an MBA in marketing (just as an avenue to open up my mind and make me look at life and it’s situations more differently than the way I am doing right now), theatre (something, I’m already into today), playing a part in cancer awareness, RJing, modelling(?!??!?!) and advertising. Somewhere in between, if I’m jobless, I might have done a desk job too, like the one I’m doing now.

The above statement might make you want to say, ‘This guy is confused, totally confused’. Strictly speaking, I’m not…and yeah, someday I'll learn to play the drums or the guitar maybe, cause I don't wanna go to my grave thinking, 'Freak, I didn't learn a single musical instrument all my life!'

I believe in spreading a smile, onto every person’s face. Dunno, how far I’ve gone in achieving that. I still get a large amount of satisfaction, when I see someone smile or laugh cause of something I said or did.

I’ve had no derth of friends, and I truly thank GOD for this. It’s an irreplaceable gift.

My friends abhor my sense of humour. Some of them say, that I’m still trying hard, very hard to reach the average level of humour, but nevertheless, they do laugh at my wisecracks, occasionally…very occasionally; most other times they beat me up!

I’m very conscious of the way I look, even within the 4 walls of my own room.

I love clothes. Well, who doesnt ! To add to the misery, I mostly shop alone, cause I dont want anyone else's opinion in this matter ?!??!?!? Weird, aint it !

I introspect a lot. Every now and then, I sit down to think of how my days have gone by, my reactions to situations, to people, and how differently I could’ve done it.

I’m a cleanliness freak. Everything around me, should be spic n' span. Drop by my house, and you’ll see for yourself!

My perspectives today, are quite different from most 23 year olds. Sometimes, my brother says ‘ You talk like a 45 year old’. Frankly, I don’t want to, I’ve been made to. And, that's the reason I act like a 6 yr old, at times !

If I were to live out the average age of a human being today, I’d say 40% of it is almost over. By the time the next 40% comes around, my take on all of the issues mentioned above might be drastically different…Hope they are as well, otherwise, what’s the meaning of ‘Evolution’.

AIDS vs. Cancer

vs.

This article would surprise a lot of you again I would think, but don’t most of my articles do so? It’s been on my mind for quite a while, and I always felt I needed to write about it, simply because, I couldn’t hold back the reasoning within me.
Firstly, for all those reading this, please note that I am no medical practitioner, neither am I here to discuss the medical consequences of AIDS over Cancer or vice versa. Let me also make it clear, that I have no intentions of maligning / harming any organization, image or person who were/are contributing towards the fight against any of the above mentioned 2 diseases.
For all those who’ve known me well, will also know, why I’m writing this article today. I’m doing so because I feel it relevant enough to talk about the awareness levels of these 2 diseases amongst the youth of this country today. I’ve also begun to genuinely indulge myself in this subject nowadays and it wont be too long, before which I decide to stand up and help the millions fighting against the subject in question.
I was just about completing 21 years on planet Earth when this word was thrown before me, almost forcing me to embrace it and take it into my stride. Not one to deter, I did the most defaulted thing there was to do – embrace it, albeit with loads of apprehensions. Back then; I had no idea what Cancer was all about. Truly, my knowledge of the subject was Zilch! Don’t know, If I was so naïve not to know about it, or was society at large ignorant of this word and its consequences, which in turn led to my downfall. And herein, lies my question:

Why is the youth of today so much more aware of AIDS and its consequences as compared to CANCER, or for that matter of fact, any other deadly disease there is?

But, I’m going to talk about Cancer in particular, because, I don’t see it as any less deadlier than AIDS today.
I might be totally wrong in putting up this question itself, but as I’ve observed and lived everyday of my life, continuously interacting with a number of people of my age in the process, I’ve come to believe in this very question itself, and my strife to find the reasoning behind it is also taking unimaginable proportions by the day.
Yesterday, I was watching a cricket match on ESPN. Ceremoniously, at the end of the over, they broke off into a commercial break. On came, Virender Sehwag speaking in his highly developed and very new English language, trying to spread the message that he of course has everything now, but what about the millions suffering from AIDS, especially children. Another one that stands out was the commercial I saw at PVR the other night, where this lady gives statistical figures of the number of women affected by AIDS today, simply because, their husbands didn’t believe in the concept of condoms. A few standouts amongst the many sincere calls made by celebrities/ the common man alike, across the world to join hands in the fight against AIDS. I truly appreciate these efforts. I also truly commend The World Health Organization (WHO) and other health organizations / Governments / NGO’s etc who are working day and night in their effort to support AIDS victims as well as spread the awareness of AIDS. I also do believe like most of us do, that they have achieved at least 30% of their motive today, going by the encouraging results (albeit small) right in front of us, that too in an progressively developing country like India.
But I just wonder, somewhere down the lane, have we neglected other and equally important diseases, such as Cancer.
How else would you explain the fact, that 4 out of 6 people I asked had no idea what ‘Chemotherapy’ was all about, but they did know, the various means through which AIDS could be spread? How else would you explain the fact, that the same percentage of people actually said that ‘Cancer is a curable disease and has been medically proven’, when posed with the inevitable question? How else would you explain the fact, that many people I asked didn’t have much idea of how Cancer was caused, or the general foundation for Cancer cells to grow, whereas, they not only knew the full form of the acronym AIDS but also knew the necessary precaution to be taken to avoid being on the receiving end of it? A small number you might say. A number that does not truly reflect the medical knowledge of Indian citizens you might say. A number that needs to be much larger and must be able to cut through diverse barriers of culture; if we were to draw such conclusions, you might say. But all said and done, I didn’t do it as part of some national survey. I did it on a random basis just to see if it enhances my belief even more, and you bet, it did – That Cancer is after all not as popular amongst the Indian public as compared to AIDS, and more often than not, it acts as a second fiddle to the big daddy himself.
And now to reason out, why I believe, Cancer is as dangerous and needs to be given as much importance as AIDS. At the outset, before I go into this, its vital to know, that Cancer has not yet been completely cured today – which leaves it on the same benchmark as AIDS! This in itself is a grave misconception, a trap that I fell into myself. Across the world today; humans have done a grave mistake by generalizing the world Cancer. Cancer in itself is just a parent object, with millions of child objects that are actually responsible for the consequences, this disease is known to possess. This inturn has played a role in the overall assumption that Cancer is cured today. As most of you would know, Cancer occurs in various forms and in various parts of the body, and each of them are genetically totally different from each other. As far as I know, and I may be wrong as well, breast Cancer and a few others are the only ones for which standardized cures have been found. But then again, note the word ‘standardized’. These cannot be considered as permanent remedies simply because they don’t have the same consistency when tried on different patients. The most vital thing in Cancer is the stage in which it is detected. Oncologists across the world, rarely carry a glimmer of hope, when Cancer is detected at Stage III or above, though they never openly express it (there are the miraculous exceptions of course). However, it is also true, that Oncologists would most probably give a breast cancer patient more chance of surviving as compared to someone else, simply because, standardized solutions are now available for these, and they have a very high probability of working (but never 100%). Not to forget that the biggest thing about Cancer, is the symptoms it produces, which in many cases, are so well hidden that the patient could continue living a normal life till the cells progress into Stage IIC or IIIA.
True blue media hype whenever such solutions have been found, have also been dramatically responsible in spreading the wrong notions. For ex, I read this article in the newspaper the other day. The headlines said ‘___________ Institute of Oncology successfully tests Cancer drug.’ As I went on to read, the article was specifically pertaining to bone marrow Cancer. I was left thinking, how ridiculous can it get? When the research is specifically meant for bone marrow Cancer, why can’t they explicitly mention it! For someone who indulges himself only in headlines, couldn’t this prove to be a big disaster?
Overall, I am not saying that Cancer and its cause / effects haven’t been promoted properly by the corresponding organizations, but what’s being done is surely not enough. It just pains me to read statistics of the number of people succumbing to Cancer every year, and to then realize; that the number is actually not too far behind AIDS itself!
I just hope that positive steps would be taken in this direction to spread awareness of this deadly disease, firstly amongst the educated youth of this country. I on my part am ready to do anything, to help in this cause….

Arise.... Awake....

One sunny morning;
two weary eyes.
trying to look around;
at what's in sight.

A delirious mind;
living in yesterday.
Tarnished thoughts;
of a chequered past.

A restless body;
A listless soul.
Hackled imaginations;
which never let go.

A wrinkled face;
Some ruffled hair.
A throat gone dry;
personifying despair.

Silence of the world;
music to my ears.
a single ray of light;
hope of a thousand years.

A window half open;
A curtain flying high.
a cool breeze blowing;
kissing my wearied eyes.

the creak of the door;
and a deep slumber shortened.
A nonchalant mind disturbed;
a fictitious dream shattered.....

Tumkur Calling - Part 2....

Yeah, I'm back at base, and I'm definitely not feeling good about it. Don’t know why, this concept of hangover came into existence? It’s so sickening you know, sometimes, thinking of the hangover itself, people go against having all the fun. Ahhh.... All kinds of time are surely going to end some day or the other, be it good or bad. So why be tensed about the good times ending or the bad times beginning!!!
Hehe, oh my god, I took off on a tangent it seems. What am I here to talk about!!! Yes, Halcyon and the 3 days (rather 2 for me) that passed away with it. Truly, some great moments to cherish. It must be said, that to a certain extent, it pained me to see the meagre turnout at Halcyon this year, but there's no one to blame I would think. Firstly, Annavaru's demise ensured that our fest clashed with BMSCE's Utsav, yet again, rendering it not to be a coincidence anymore, since this happened for the 3rd yr in a row. Secondly, I have come to believe, that the name Tumkur has to lot to play in this. Yes, its true, that just 60 kms away from the cosmopolitan culture of Bangalore, life is certainly different, and if you don’t get adjusted to it, you’re surely going to suffer. But that’s hardly any reason to blemish things right? I’m sure tons across the college circuit, would be thinking ‘SIT Tumkur – naaaaahhhh’, but of course, for those of you who’ve come and watched it, if not this time, some earlier time, I’d hope you’d want to disagree. Not everything can be or is, as it is in most colleges in Bangalore or the other parts of the state, say Mysore, or Manipal etc. But yeah, we still know how to have fun, provide fun and make the damn place rock, don’t we!!!!
Arriving on the midnight of 21st April, I could feel all the positive vibes go through my system and body. I’m really really trying to figure out why this great attachment to the fest, but it sometimes is so hard to believe! As it goes in the Baywatch theme –

And instinct is stronger than reason; it’s just human nature to be!!!

As I walked through the gates that night, I wishes and prayed for some extra years at the place. I cursed myself for having cursed the place when I was there. Life is a paradox isn’t it, an ‘Orbeeeeetttt’ as Kapoor would say – what goes around comes around!!
Spent a few hours in the board room (the only place in the whole of Tumkur I would say – where you get the privilege of A/C), had the audacity to sip on beer right there inside and watch these juniors run helter-skelter to get things into place. Had some awesome biryani, sitting on the table, the table on which the fortunes of SIT are decided every now and then! Headed back to Keshav’s flat @ around 3AM, to get some much needed sleep as I had to be all fresh to conduct JAM (or JOM as SMS says) the next morning.

7AM – 21st April. I woke up with this real spring in my step, looking forward to being involved in Halcyon one more time, or maybe even, one last time! As the modalities for JAM were getting right, I did manage to get a glimpse of extempore, that very podium of the seminar hall, where I’d made the audience listen to many a crap of mine.
As time passed by, it was as if, I was desperate to hold it back, but in the process, running ahead of it! The energy in me always wanted to move on and get things done quickly, whereas deep down, I was reeling in anguish I guess, looking at the sands of time fly by me again.
JAM was an absolute honour to conduct. Every year, SIT’s JAM always produces a lot of new comers, and that was the case this time as well. Objections – some sustained, most overruled filled the Audi as the JAM MASTER held forth for the next 3 hours or so. Noise filled the place, with people trying hard to speak for at least 2-3 seconds on the trot. Funny ain’t it, sometimes, you think, you’ve got it right, you’ve got what it takes to be right up there, but once you reach there, huh…you’re just being beaten down by the crowd, your just being jostled around while you try and get your footing right. That’s precisely the way it works in JAM as well. What you say, you say it well, be it crap after all, cuz if you ain’t going to say it well, rest assured, you’ll have 5 other Jammer’s breathing down your neck that very second.
With talk raging from tongue twisters, to sidhuisms, to chaitu’s favourite words ‘Blind bandicoot’, to hailing me, myself, yes the JAM MASTER…it was gleefully satisfying. Of course, there were cases, where my English grammar was put to the test as well, but I just managed to scrape out it seems.
The post lunch session zipped off in a fizzy, with me not recollecting much, since I’m now writing this after quite a while!!! The evening of course was one to treasure. All evenings @ Halcyon always promise to be a gala affair and it turned out that way this time round as well. Modifications and up gradations at SIT meant, that the Open Stage had to be shifted from the stadium to right in front of the ‘Archi’ block. This did deter the overall aroma of the stage, as we were so used to seeing it at the stadium each time.
Choreography went on for a while; followed up Western music, with SDM, SIT n SSIT belting out some ACDC, Metallica, and Dire straits amongst others.
Well, I’m thinking I’d rather move ahead and go on to describe what happened for the better part of the night from here on. As the night wore on, and as another day of Halcyon bit the dust, we settled down at our abode, ahhhh… Jamuna – the bar n restaurant as its called!
Booze accompanied with noise, accompanied with people, accompanied with smoke in the air followed for the next couple of hours as the minute hand of the clock struck 12 reminding us, that there was after all another day to look fwd to in life. Cop trouble, which seems to be the latest rage these days, ensured that we scooted from the place soon enough, only to head off to our retreat – Devarayan Durga or DD hills in its abbreviation.

1 AM, 4 bikes, 8 guys, an empty road, 4 bottles of beer and biting cold weather? That’s pretty much summarizing it all. Damn, I revealed the whole thing upfront. That of course will not stop me from giving you a further peek into life right up there on top.
As we sat there on top, watching the minimal long standing lights in the town fade out, it was almost like GOD was telling us ‘This is bliss, and I’m giving it to you for about 2 hours, live it as much as you can’. And live it we surely did. Shevade as usual kept us bemused while his melodious voice rung out some of the latest tracks to hit the bollywood circuit, jokes filled the air, mostly ranging from ridiculous PJs to horrendously dirty ones! Manu wouldn’t stop on his smoking spree, keshav dozed off, Shevade took us all on a trip with that awesome Tamil no. of his, whatever that meant under the sun!!! Kulla, kris, myself, akshay n the others were still reeling in the aroma of the place it seems. As the clock struck 3 AM, we headed back down, desperate to shut our eyes for the next 8 hours or so. Oh, not to forget, the million and one resolutions that went around this time, about all of us making it to the breakfast table next morning at 8. But, true to Shevade and keshav’s credit, they did make it, organizers after all. On the way back of course, its worth mentioning, that I saw one of the better sights in Tumkur – truly Swades style!!! A play happening at 3AM, in a village off the daily grind of society! Amazing, huh, really, we were truly taken aback as well. We parked ourselves for about 15 mins, as we watched a truly Mahabharata style episode, with the actors and actresses dressed in traditional attire with mind-boggling, splendid makeup. Guess all of us were still trying to come to terms with what we were seeing, at that time of the night, but true to the fact, it was probably the only occasion throughout the calendar year, that the villagers got a break like that.

Day 3 or rather Final Day followed much the same pattern as the rest. Huh, the only change being, the day began at 1 PM for Kulla, kris and me, as we struggled hard to get out of the threshold of DD hills the previous night. Loitering through the campus one last time, guess we were trying hard to think of all that we were missing already, trying hard to live in the moment, trying hard to absorb as much as we could of the mortal remains of our engineering days, trying hard to foresee a bright future amidst such pleasant surroundings, trying hard to think, if it was really that bad or we’d just underestimated it so badly…
The evening rolled in, so did the music, so did the people and so did the fun. As the night drew closer, back stage plans were already being drafted to head out to the retreat yet again…
Its almost like a repeat of the previous night …hehehe..I have this serious urge within me to use the power of windows and paste the same thing again, but that would surely count as heights of laziness wouldn’t it, and this after all is an hobby for me, so why resort to illegal means?!?!?!?!? As it stood, we were 26 guys, settling down on a moonlight night, in probably the only garden well maintained outside of SIT in Tumkur. Time passed, river rolled, and soon followed some awesome shit. Truly, when beer talks, it forces the others to shut up, I say. Sentimental words filled the night, and for the ones who were still slightly sober, they must’ve had a ball listening to all the crap that followed. Think about it, it probably took us slightly more than 2 hours to drink, but we actually ended up taking as much time to clear the bill as well!!! Amazing, isn’t it, when you have about 20 drunken guys around you, and you got to manage ‘em, that I truly believe is a test of your management skill ;-)
As the pieces of the board were coming back together, so did all of us recover some part of our brain cells! Exquisite planning from 1 AM to 3 AM ensured that the inevitable happened:
6 bikes, 1 car, 19 partially drunk guys, another empty road, a bottle of vodka and you know, where we were all headed! Noise practically followed for the next 3 hours atop DD hills, till the sun showed signs of coming out in the open sky again.
A hot cup of chai early in the morning and soon we were on the bus, back to the hustle bustle of the city, back after reliving ourselves in the sleepy town, back after living the moments of another Halcyon, back to the dust where we belong, hoping…deep down. hoping that the path ahead was one full of Halcyon for all of us !!!!